Why Do Recovering Addicts Judge Other Addicts?

You would think that recovering addicts wouldn't judge other recovering addicts, but unfortunately some of them do. 

With all this hating on the 12 step programs lately I thought it was important to point out that we shouldn't be judging other people's recovery choice. I feel like this should be common sense, however it isn't. If someone is making their life better in any way maybe we should just be happy for them. Since the whole law suit about AA causing someone's death, the hate has only escalated. People posted videos explaining how the 12 steps is a cult and all sorts of other nasty comments about the program. This program does great things for many people. People should stop focusing on all the negatives and look at the positives things this program does.

12 step programs were never my thing, but I never had anything against it until a few 12 step followers ganged up on me and told me I wasn't really in recovery and some other bullshit that's not really important here. When I realized only someone completely ignorant could say something like that I knew I shouldn't hold a grudge against the program and every person who follows it because of a few misguided people. Most people in recovery are open minded and accepting, that includes people in the 12 step programs. Don't let the few bad ones taint your view of the rest.

Even when we don't agree with someone's recovery program it doesn't give us the right to judge them and tell them what we think is wrong with their recovery. Judging someone for their recovery choice is like judging them for their choice of therapy. Just because they felt they had a right to judge my recovery doesn't mean I have to judge theirs. We aren't immune from discriminating just because we've been discriminated against ourselves. It might make us less likely to, but we all do it at some point. Whether we do it consciously or not, we need to actively make an effort to recognize our prejudice and challenge it.

Some of us might think we have the right to decide that one recovery is better than another because of some false sense of entitlement. Overcoming adversity and achieving recovery doesn't give someone anymore say on how others should live their life, or their recovery. This isn't a contest on which recovery path is the best and who gets to decide. We need a variety of recovery options for the variety of different people struggling with addiction. Most of the time people discriminate because of their own insecurities and this isn't something reserved strictly for the recovery community either. Even people in the LGBT community stigmatize bisexuals.

I've been trying to keep my posts positive lately, but I really wanted to address this issue hoping we could become more aware of our own prejudice and hopefully show kindness where we might want to judge. I know it's not always easy, especially when we do it unconsciously. When someone's judging it doesn't really have anything to do with the person their judging but more to do with them. I know it sounds crazy but its really about their insecurities and how they were raised. If this happens to you don't feel bad, even I get caught up in the nonsense.

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Yours truly,

Chelsie Charmed

Forgive Yourself for Being an Addict

Don't you think it's about time you forgive yourself for being an addict?

The sooner you forgive yourself the better off you'll be. I've met many recovering addicts, like me, who can't seem to forgive themselves for being an addict, even after years in recovery. We become so use to carrying this guilt around that sometimes we don't even know how much it's really affecting our lives. It affects things like our self-worth and what we believe we deserve. Consequently, we pass up many amazing opportunities because we don't think we deserved them. In the end, it keeps us from making the most out of life.

Find Out How Dangerous Beliefs Can Hinder Your Recovery

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to achieve something if you didn't believe you could. 

Sounds crazy right. How are you suppose to keep trying every day if you don't think it will get you anywhere. How would you stay motivated in the face of adversity if you don't believe it will work out. What's the point, you're just wasting your time. Right? Well to be honest, if you don't believe in your recovery you probably are wasting your time. 

Recovery doesn't just happen by accident.


The key to success in anything starts with the belief you can succeed, anything else is pure luck. I'm not saying if you have doubts you're doomed to fail. Everyone has doubts, it's whether you decide to give in to those doubts or face them and say I CAN DO THIS. When faced with doubts we can either talk ourselves out of going after our goals or we can give ourselves a pep talk. You might not think you can do it at first, but remind yourself of what you've already accomplished.

People just like you succeed every day and so can you. Believing you can achieve recovery will motivate you to keep trying after a relapse and when things get difficult. If you've been having troubles staying in recovery, instead of thinking I can't do this try changing that with I haven't been able to YET, but I will. You can use self-fulfilling prophecies to your advantage or to your demise. It's up to you.

If you choose to believe you can do something your thinking and behavior becomes aligned with that belief. If you believe you can do something you start acting like you can. People who choose to believe are more likely to persevere when their goals get challenging. You find a way to make it happen because you're confident it can happen.

People are making recovery so much more difficult for themselves when they choose to believe they can't stay drug-free or have a happy life in recovery. They're setting themselves up for failure before they even start. After all our mistakes and bad decisions, it's not always easy to believe we can achieve a happy life in recovery. If we believe history has any indication on our future it's easy to think we'll fail, but it doesn't have to be like that.

Your journey to a happy life in recovery will be filled with what might at first glance appear as failures, but that's not really what they are. They're much-needed lessons. If you learned something from the experience it can't be a complete failure. Mistakes are often the best teachers and the lessons they teach you will not only help you achieve this goal but will help you achieve other goals throughout your life.

Choose to believe in yourself. Just because you haven't been able to do something so far doesn't mean you won't be able to eventually. Visualize your life the way you want it, like it's already happening right now. What would you be doing? What would it look like? What would it feel like? Know you'll have a happy life in recovery and you will. Not by magic, but because belief changes our perspective and actions in such a way that's conductive to achieving our goals.

Life is all about learning and most endeavors have a learning curve. Skills like happiness are cultivated over time and effort. When you believe in something you find a way to make it happen because you don't give up until you find a way. Believing you can achieve something leads to strategizing, seeking out solutions and hard work. People achieve incredible things every day because they believe they can and you can be one of them if you want to be.

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Yours truly, 
Chelsie Charmed

PS. Do you think the power of belief is important in recovery? 

      Let me know in the comments.

Why People Should Date Recovering Addicts

Dating a recovering addict is a personal decision, but if you're thinking about dating one stick around. You'll probably want to after you learn the great qualities recovering addicts possess. If being a recovering addict makes you feel like you don't have as much to offer in a relationship read on, you need to hear this. I know the stigma often makes it difficult to date in recovery, but you're a great catch no matter what other people's preconceived notions are.

I Would Rather Date a Recovering Addict (even if they might relapse)

Let me explain.

The majority of recovering addicts have the qualities that are important to me, so it's easier to find someone I'll hit it off with when I'm dating a recovering addict. I've dated regular people of course, but it never developed into anything serious because there was always a part of me they couldn't understand. Only people who have been through addiction know the strength needed to overcome addiction. That's why recovering addicts are so compassionate. They understand their partner's struggles.

How You Can Use Your Relapse to Stay in Recovery

I want people to know that a relapse doesn't mean failure. Recovery time has been advertised as one of the most important thing in recovery, but it isn't. Whats important is never giving up and being happy. 

It's not uncommon to feel like giving up after losing all your recovery time, but what I've learned after all this time is each relapse was fundamental to my success in recovery. Its understandable to feel like you failed if you relapse, but if you learned anything at all, it wasnt a failure.