Why People Should Date Recovering Addicts

Dating a recovering addict is a personal decision, but if you're thinking about dating one stick around. You'll probably want to after you learn the great qualities recovering addicts possess. If being a recovering addict makes you feel like you don't have as much to offer in a relationship read on, you need to hear this. I know the stigma often makes it difficult to date in recovery, but you're a great catch no matter what other people's preconceived notions are.

I Would Rather Date a Recovering Addict (even if they might relapse)

Let me explain.

The majority of recovering addicts have the qualities that are important to me, so it's easier to find someone I'll hit it off with when I'm dating a recovering addict. I've dated regular people of course, but it never developed into anything serious because there was always a part of me they couldn't understand. Only people who have been through addiction know the strength needed to overcome addiction. That's why recovering addicts are so compassionate. They understand their partner's struggles.

Are You Avoiding What You Really Want?

Are you settling for less than what you truly want?

You'll never get what you want if you don't first figure out what you want.

I don't mean the small stuff or in the moment instant gratification stuff. I mean what we want out of life, our jobs, our relationships and what we want from ourselves. Like when I finally realized I wanted a successful career and a better future I knew I would have to quit drugs.

5 Reasons Addicts Leave Treatment Early – And How to Prevent It

It is common for addiction patients to leave the rehab program without completing it. In order to live a healthy and happy lifestyle it is important that the patient is able to go through the entire treatment process and is able to continue to abstain from drug abuse after the completion of rehab process.

Reluctance

The patient could be resistant to go to rehab in the first place and may fail to achieve the desired result out of the rehab program if they lack motivation and drive to become healthy.

Solution: It is important to understand that the patient might be experiencing emotional turbulence and may feel that they would be isolated at the rehab center. The individual must be taken into confidence that all the changes are temporary and once the treatment is well on course, he will recover to a healthier life.

How to Approach a Sponsor

Guest Post by Joy Anderson

Find a Sponsor, Get a Sponsor, Call em!  But what the heck does that really mean??

When embarking on this journey of recovery we hear things like, “ find someone who has what you want.”  It takes a minute to find someone you can take the journey with. This is a really big deal,l what you are about to do - take these steps everyone keeps talking about. And trust me they will save your life.  You will be changing  a lot.  A lot of “stuff” is bound to come up.  Your sponsor needs to be someone you can relate to on some level and someone you trust. Sometimes we don’t always find the right sponsor right away.  

Stop Stigmatizing Recovering Addicts!!

It makes me extremely sad to see how much discrimination and stigma recovering addicts have to face. We have to overcome stigma all the time when making friends, at the doctor's office, when having a baby, and even more so in the workplace. How can it be so pervasive in a society where no one is left untouched by addiction? 

Each one of us have been addicted to something or care about someone who has. Whether it be an addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, internet, sex, porn, being in love, eating or anything else. How can we lack compassion and understanding as a society when we are all affected by it one way or another? I don't get it, having been addicted has made me very compassionate and understanding.

Why Alcohol in Grocery Stores is a Stupid Idea

It was announced recently that beer will be sold in grocery stores where I live. I know this might not seem like a big deal because it's common in a lot of places, but I disagree with it. We already have beer stores and liquor stores to purchase alcohol from, so why do we need alcohol in grocery stores. We never have before so it's not like we are missing the convenience of it. We are used to going to a specific store to purchase alcohol.

It's not like our society doesn't have enough problems with alcohol addiction so lets just make alcohol more accessible because going to the beer store is just darn inconvenient. I'm sorry, but if you want to drink I think you should have to get your butt to the beer store.

Where to Turn for Support When A Loved One is Addicted

Author: Alyssa Craig

When it comes to addiction, there is of course a large focus on the addict and helping them to overcome this painful and difficult trial. But you are not the addict. You are their spouse, their partner, their sibling, their parent, or their friend. This addiction has weighed on you heavily since the beginning and has only continued to cause you stress and heartache. Whether or not your loved one is ready to take on the next step of recovery, you can start receiving the help and support you need to persevere. Here are some ways you can attend to your own needs during this turbulent time.

Addiction Recovery My Way

One of the many things that makes this world such a beautiful and wonderful place is its diversity. We are all beautifully unique with different wants and needs. We shouldn't ever be expected to all fit in a box and conform to just one way of doing things. Its simply isn't who we are as humans beings. We are amazingly complex individuals and we need that freedom to be ourselves and do what works for us in order for us to grow into all that we can be.

I've had people who have been rude to me, ignored me,  blocked me and even shunned me once they found out I wasn't doing recovery their way. Every time I ask myself why. Why not support a fellow recovering addict and recovery in all its forms. If it's creating a better life for them and their loved ones than Why Not? I would think these recovering addicts would understand better than most the struggle of recovery. We should stand together and lift each other up. Changing our lives in no small task. We should be proud of each other no matter what recovery path we have chosen. Accepting and encouraging individual differences is an amazing thing. It means we have evolved to see past our own sense of self and ego to see the beauty in what is different from us.

If what their doing works for them who I am to judge or make their recovery seem less important or make them feel less than because they aren't doing it my way. Being in the methadone maintenance program I've had to defend my recovery to quite a few people and surprisingly most of them were in recovery themselves. Usually regular folks are more accepting and able to see the positive changes in my life for what they are. Methadone has given me my life back after I had tried everything else to quit, its the only thing that worked for me. 

Another really big issue for some is that I don't see abstinence from alcohol as part of my recovery. I've never had a problem with it. I only drink a few times a year and I rarely get drunk. I've been clean from drugs for many years now and drinking hasn't caused me to relapse in all this time. If I felt like my recovery was in danger I wouldn't drink. I dont drink to get drunk and I dont drink when Im angry or emotionally unstable. I know my way of doing recovery doesn't work for most people but it works for me. I'm drug free and living a "normal" life.

I know alcohol can be a really big problem for some people and by choosing to have a couple drinks on my birthday or at Christmas doesn't mean I don't see alcohol as a huge challenge for some recovering addicts. It doesn't mean I don't respect their struggle or that I don't see it as a big deal for some people. Its just that alcohol isn't a problem for me personally. I respect each of your individual recovery paths so much. Recovery is something to be proud of and If it feels right to you than that's what matters in the end. May you all be happy and find that inner peace we are all looking for.

Charmed

Can We Ever Fully Recover From Addiction ?

I've always wondered if us addicts could fully recover from our addictions or if we would forever be in recovery. I've come to realize that opinions on this vary a lot and this might be because we don't all have the same idea of what being recovered means. Even I've changed my opinion about it more then once. I used to think that fully recovering from an addiction was possible because I thought being recovered meant no more urges to do that drug of choice or that specific behavior.

I haven't had the urge to do drugs in a very long time. I can even be around it and not want any whatsoever. I thought that meant I was recovered but recently I've come to believe that although I might be recovered from my coke and oxy addiction, I will always have an addictive personality. That means I'll always need to be aware of my emotional state and Ill have to regularly keep track of my thought patterns, which means I'll always be in recovery. I really don't mind that because recovery for me means keeping myself happy.

To me recovery has always been practicing self care, keeping track of my feelings and analyzing why I feel the way I do, controlling my negative thoughts and practicing positive thoughts and self image. So basically working on staying happy and how to get there if I'm not. My recovery isn't just about drugs but about being happy and healthy. Its about growing and moving past the emotional trauma I've experienced. After 6 years I might be recovered from my drug addiction but for me recovery will always be part of my life.

What's your opinion on being able to fully recover from addiction ? 

 Yours Truly Charmed ;)

Why Expressive Outlets Are Important in Recovery

I have found that a healthy creative outlet where I can express myself has been a very important part of my recovery. I've noticed that a lot of addiction recovery centers offer art classes and other types of creative outlets to help in the recovery process. They might just be on to something here. A few words by The Addiction Recovery Guide describing (way better then I ever could) why being creative can be helpful in recovery (they also mention lots of other interesting and useful therapies like journaling, animal, music, hypnosis etc., definitely worth checking out :

The creative therapies can be very helpful in the process of recovery from addiction. They offer the opportunity to get in touch with the inner self and with the higher power and can provide a form of expression for feelings that cannot be easily identified or put into words. Through helping the person with an addiction connect with his/her more authentic self, the expressive therapies can help raise self-esteem and provide an opportunity to create new experiences beyond habitual and painful emotional patterns. The creative arts foster a renewed ability to relax without drugs or alcohol.

Ever since I began my recovery I remember wanting to be creative anyway I could. Some of the many things I enjoyed were drawing, coloring, knitting and my two favorites are writing/blogging and making healing trees. I do it because I absolutely love it and would be in heaven if I could actually make a living on it. I know you guys feel me right, its everybody dream to make a living doing something they love, something they are completely and truly passionate about. I am even lucky enough to have something be really helpful to my recovery.

When I get overwhelmed with my life, being creative can help me find peace and a serene state of mind. Its like all this emotional build up and blockage I can sometimes feel gets released. I've noticed this even more lately when I started doing my healing trees again. I had stopped for a while because I was having a hard time selling them and I just had so many made. Thankfully my aunt took them off my hands and put them in her shop and after a while I finally started wanting to make more that I could have with me to try to sell on my own again. In the end selling them isn't what matters, the wonderful feeling I get when making them is enough for me to keep at it (well until I run out of supplies since their not cheap Ill have to wait till I sell some to buy more).

My point here is to find some creative hobby you love to do because its has so many therapeutic benefits specially for someone in recovery. Find time for you and let your imagination free. It really does calm my mind and just puts me in an overall happier mood which makes me more patient and understanding.

If you want to take a look at my healing trees here's the link to my ebay page :) and the link the my healing trees facebook page. 

Charmed

Have You Ever Been Bored in Recovery ?

I believe most recovering addicts had to deal with this at some point so I thought I'd write a post about how I overcame being bored when I first started my recovery process. This is a serious issue some of us face and has even led to some relapses for me. Once I stopped continuously searching for a way to get more drugs, which is a very consuming task, I had all this free time on my hands. I went from having something to do 24/7 to having nothing to do. It was a major change that I hadn't anticipated. I was constantly plagued with the feeling of being bored and it wasn't that I couldn't find anything to do but that nothing seemed interesting to me, and that put me on edge.

Boy, did that ever make me feel guilty. I was finally blessed with being sober and I felt bored. One of the worst parts about being bored is that all my thoughts came rushing to the forefront of my mind with no distractions to keep them at bay. It was way easier to only have to deal with my thoughts a little bit at a time but when I was bored they were ALL very present and very real. It was difficult to take it all in and sometimes Id relapse just to avoid all these thoughts rushing in at once. I knew I had to find something to keep me busy because I was determined to get clean and stay that way.

To try and help with the boredom I started thinking about what I use to like doing before I became a full blown addict. I also started thinking about what goals I wanted to achieve and what my dreams and aspirations were for my future. I needed to find things that inspired me and got me motivated which wasn't all that easy at first, nothing seemed interesting. Finding something to get you interested is going to be different for everyone but for me the process of moving past this initial boredom was when I picked up a book for the first time in years. I used to love reading growing up and rediscovering this long time passion really got me out of that rut of initial boredom.

After that everything slowly started getting better as I found more and more things to inspire and motivate me. Deciding to go to back to school was a big part of the recovery process. I needed to build a future for myself and what better reason than that to get motivated. So now I had reading and schooling to keep me company. I finally felt like I was being productive and I had something to be proud of. Soon after I was motivated to get a part time job and getting close with my family again. Something I wasn't ready for at the beginning of my recovery because I needed time to heal before putting myself out there again. Especially with a family who is well acquainted with drugs of all kinds.

This is different for everyone but if your faced with this feeling of boredom and contemplating using again to get away from that nagging feeling of having nothing to do and nothing interest you, or to keep all those thoughts from overwhelming you, I urge you to keep looking for your passion. Something that motivates you. Think about your future. Stay sober and keep looking for that one thing that inspires you, I promise it will all be worth it.

PS. Here's a little something I learned from one of my research papers at school.

Life in recovery isn't boring, that's your brain playing tricks on you. The chemicals in your brain that make you happy and make things interesting are reduced when your first starting recovery because most drugs provide these chemicals and your brain gets use to not having to produce them naturally. When you get sober you won't be receiving the chemicals provided by your drug of choice anymore and it will take your brain sometime to naturally start producing them again. Just give it time and soon enough your brain will realize it needs to start producing them naturally because you won't be giving it these chemicals.

Much Love, Charmed

Aren't All Women Suppose to be Domesticated

Lately I've been thinking more and more about how other women do it. Its seems so easy to some women to take care of their home and family. Its like they were born with this innate ability or talent of being the perfect house wife. Their houses are always clean and the meals are always cooked. Some even have a job on top of this. Where do they get the energy?This seriously puts me to shame. I really envy them, there like supermoms. I know my moms one of these super mom. She keeps everything clean and everyone fed. I wonder if most women are like this and if I'm the odd one out.

I'm a low energy person and I really like my sleep. Im often tired even before I got pregnant which makes it hard to do much of anything. I also dread cleaning since I do it a lot at work but that doesn't mean I don't get around to it. I cook supper usually 3 days a week and I clean the laundry, bathroom and floors at least once a week. I even get all the garbage together most weeks for my hubby to take out in the morning. But sometimes people around me and society make me feel like I'm still not doing enough.

I really have a hard time getting the dishes done. Its definitely the worst. I've asked my hubby if that could be a chore he was responsible for and do it once a week on weekends since I do other stuff but I'm made to feel like that's asking too much of him since he works hard labor all week. But am I really asking too much. If he did I would definitely cook more. I don't know, supposedly compared to the wife's of the guys my hubby works with, I could be doing more and not expecting help. I just don't see that as fair but it still makes me doubt myself. 

What do you guys think, should I do more? Please let me know in the comments below.

Sincerely Charmed

Still Feeling the Effects of My Total Meltdown

I don't know why certain things affect me so much and pretty much cause me to have a meltdown/panic attack that last for hours. Some bad situations just rock me to the core. I've always known I'm a really sensitive person and being pregnant and all hormonal probably didn't help but some of the things people do just really get to me.

One minute I'm super excited listening to tunes while waiting for my hubby to get home from work so we can go do some grocery shopping in our new car that we just put on the road today. This meant I'd get to practice my driving for my full licence that I plan on going for at the end of the month. AND THEN I get a text from my boss saying I've gotten complaints from customers and workers that your not working as good as you use to so take this week to relax and you will have back your normal hours next week.

LIKE SERIOUSLY WTF!! Of course I'm not as good as I use to be I'm 6 month pregnant, hello!! I was their best employee for god knows how long and they only one they trusted to open the store on weekends and this is how they treat me. I have 3 weeks left with them until I leave due to my pregnancy and I told them, many times now, that I needed as many hours as possible before I leave. Raising a baby isn't cheap!

Extremely hurt, I proceeded to ask her what I had done wrong so I could fix it and she didn't want to tell me until I came in to pick up my check on Friday. AGAIN WTF! So you tell me something like that and then decide to not tell me what really wrong, so I can then worry about it for days and have my mind think of all the worst possible scenarios. NOT FUCKING COOL! Pardon my language. But she does know I'm pregnant right, its kind of obvious at this point. I've been there longer then everyone beside the manager and one day staff. Why would she stress me out and do this to me when I only have 3 weeks left there.

I know for a fact that I'm a better worker then half the people there. I've been doing this job for over 4 years and I take pride in my work. I've been told by my bosses numerous times how much of a good job I'm doing but now that I'm pregnant they cant be a little understanding. My boss even told me 2 weeks ago I couldn't take the weekend off for my baby shower because she was getting married. That she needed me and that she only trusted me to open the store. So I had to cancel the day that worked best for me and everyone else for my baby shower because of her and now she does this.

How is all of this fair in anyway. I just don't get it. I cried over this pretty much all day.i even had a panic attack on the bathroom floor, home by myself worrying my ass off about money. I was angry, bitter and sad. I came so very close to texting her back and just saying you know what I quit. If you don't appreciate me and your going to pull this shit. I QUIT! But after thinking about it a lot I didn't because I really need the money. I was hoping Id be making money off my blog by now, but the ads aren't really selling much, and I guess I'm fine with that because that's not why I blog. Its just an added bonus. Anyways I decided to see what she had to say on Friday and if it still bothered me this much I was going to give her a piece of my mind and tell her I quit.

What do you guys think?

Sincerely Charmed

PS: I think this is the perfect opportunity to try and sell some of the healing trees I hand make with crystals that have natural healing properties on ebay again. Hopefully this time I actually sell some :)

PSS: I recently came across 2 blogs that have quickly become my Top Favorite Blogs. Great Post about Addiction, Recovery and everything in between by Amazing Supportive Individuals. If you like this blog then please go check them out, I guarantee you wont regret it.
The Secret Slayer
The Methadone Maze

Its Official, I'm Having a Boy!!

It feels like I've been waiting for this all year. I finally found out I'm having a baby boy Nov. 18, a lil Scorpio we decided to name Chase. My mom and hubby came to the ultrasound with me on Thursday. It was really amazing seeing my baby and how big he's getting. We all got to find out it was a boy at the same time when he finally uncrossed his legs and showed us his boy part. 

I had been telling everyone it was a little boy ever since I found out I was pregnant. Its like my intuition just knew but I would of been happy either way, I just want a healthy baby and so far everything looks good. I went to the OBGYN this afternoon an she said everything look really good. I gained 4-5 pounds total since the beginning of my pregnancy and I'm now 22 weeks pregnant. The babies heart beat today was 147 and last time it was 154. Chase is about a pound and 11 inches. I really can't wait to meet him, but it does also scare me. I'm a natural worrier, I worry about everything excessively so worrying about being able to provide for my little one is nothing new.

Its my mom's first grand child and she's planning my baby shower with my cousin which I really really appreciate. I decided I wanted a galaxy theme with planets, stars and the moon. Its all getting so exciting but I'm also getting really anxious. It feels like I'm not prepared and everything's happening so fast. I wish me and my hubby could start shopping and getting the room ready but we want to wait and see what I'll be getting at the baby shower first because we don't have that much money to begin with and once I stop working, money going to be tight. I'm still working about 20-25 hours a week and its getting really hard but I want us to get a car before I take some time off. It really helps that my hubby has a decent job, it will keeps us going until I start working again. 

I'll probably stop working when I go back to school this September to finish my thesis which I'm also worried about not getting done because of the pregnancy and with the baby on the way but I'm really determined to get my diploma so I can provide a good life for my lil one. It's all going to be really hard but I just have to stay motivated and determined. Now I'm off to do some homework for my online courses I've been taking this summer,the exam are at the end of the month, so got to get to it. :)

Charmed

Having Fun Camping Sober

I finally left for camp this weekend. I had been anxiously waiting to go camping since last summer. I love camping and nature I just feel so at home and like I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be in the world. Its very relaxing, grounding and recharging. It makes one realize how wonderful sobriety can be. When your sober enough to notice the stars in the sky and the trees around you.


I spent a total of four nights there and although I'm ready to go home I hope I get to camp at least one more time this summer. I was there for their Christmas in July festival so I got to see a lot of people.  My aunt rented a cabin here and my cousin who's helping with the baby shower also came by with her one year old daughter. Each day had something different. They had lots of different things going on but I enjoyed the fireworks and cotton candy the most. They were even giving away free hotdogs and hamburger, plus Santa gave away free gifts to the kids on the last day. The camp ground was pretty packed for the event. I really enjoy camping, the sun, the bbqs and the campfires are the best.

Besides that I played some Texas Horse shoe and went swimming with my mom, my lil ten year old brother and my hubby. I even got to catch up and go swimming alone with a childhood best friend of mine who's also pregnant. Too bad I got swimmers itch on my bum, its driving me crazy, and I had even rinsed off in the shower after swimming and got changed right away. But nope I still got it and always have a this beach when I was a kid. Funny how my brother got the itch at the exact same place couple days before.

This was exactly what I needed this week. Family time camping will always be one of my top favorite things to do. Hope you all get to do stuff you love this summer and unplug from the world for a bit, it really does wonders for the soul.

Charmed

Is There Anybody Out There??

I've been dwelling on the fact that theirs probably only a very little amount of people that read my blog anymore. I don't even remember the last time someone commented on one of my post. That's probably somewhat my fault for disappearing months at a time here and there when I get busy with school. I know it shouldn't matter too much if not many people read my posts and I just should do it for myself and that's true. I want to be able to look back in years from now and see what I was thinking about at the time, but I already have a journal for that. I could do it to improve my writing but I find I'm more motivated to write good posts when I know people will be reading them. Its important to me to reach out to others and create some kind of support system with people who have dealt with addiction in their lives. A lot of the time I think of things I'd like to write about but then I think why bother no one will read it anyways. Here's to hoping that if I keep up with my writing at least once a week like Ive been doing Ill get more readers and more comments to let me know you guys are there and enjoying my posts.This is my 100th posts. :)  Have a great weekend everyone.

Charmed

Being A Pregnant Recovering Addict on Methadone

It's really hard for me to be open to people about being on methadone because of the negative stigma attached to it and now that I'm pregnant its even worst. Most people who aren't well informed about methadone seem to automatically think I'm a bad mother or that theirs going to be something wrong with my baby. I've personally seen many people on methadone have babies and all of them were perfect little bundles of joy. Being on meth is better than being on drugs and stopping meth or tapering off could lead to a miscarriage so trust me when I say I've looked into it and I'm doing the best I can for my little baby. I was tapering off before I got pregnant but I stopped when I found out because I didn't want to cause anymore stress on the baby and my body then it was already going through.

That being said its not easy being on methadone, my pharmacy totally screwed up my dose couple weeks ago and I went into major withdrawal for a week because they refused to fix it until my next pick up date. I hadn't felt that bad in a very long time. I can't explain the symptoms to someone whose never had them but I promise you their terrible and being pregnant made it all that much worst. I couldn't even take anything for it besides Tylenol which didn't really help and I was hesitant to take even that.

I've been taken by surprise by how much people expect pregnant women to follow these strict rules and get judge so negatively if they don't. Their so many dos and donts that I wasn't even aware of and how harsh some people can be if they find out your not doing or avoiding certain things. For example, the big issue about smoking when pregnant is so frowned upon that women posting in forums asking for advice on how to cut down or quit are met with rude comments. If their reactions were that rude to smoking I can just imagine how bad it would be if someone were to mention they were on methadone.

These people say things like just quit its your babies life, don't you care, your such a bad mother. Do they not know how these comments can really affect a pregnant hormonal person who's already worrying her but off about her babies health and safety. Like if it was that easy don't you think they would of done it already. I honestly think as a society we need to lay off the judgement and instead help each other out and accept peoples choices, that includes even me. Most of us are just doing the best we can and the judging doesn't help. I always try an remember that when I feel like judging someone for doing things differently than me.

This Post was Published On KLEN + SOBR Go Check it out :)

I've found that it helped to know as much as possible about methadone and pregnancy so I could answer any comments or questions people gave me. What I've found is this:

Is methadone safe for my baby?

Methadone treatment for pregnant women has been studied for the past 40 years and is considered the “gold standard” of treatment for pregnant women with opiate use disorder. Most babies born exposed to methadone have withdrawals and the hospital has medications to help the baby stay comfortable and manage withdrawal symptoms. If you stop using opiates suddenly you could miscarry, therefore it’s important to enter treatment if you are using illicit opiates or continue your medication-assisted treatment if you were in treatment when you became pregnant.

What if I want to taper off methadone?
Tapering is not recommend while you are pregnant, but you can always talk the medical staff at your treatment center about this issue. Being pregnant can be a very exciting and wonderful experience, but it can also be very stressful and scary. Tapering can add to that stress and some people have urges to use when they taper, even when they aren’t pregnant. Many pregnant patients feel it’s not worth the chance of relapsing, feeling withdrawals, and possibly miscarriage, so they decide to discuss tapering options after they give birth.

What about my dose…should I try to stay below a certain amount?

The most important thing to think about is how are you feeling physically. It’s important to take a dose of methadone that will keep you from having withdrawals or cravings for 24 hours (we call this a therapeutic level of methadone). When you first begin methadone treatment it may take a bit of time before you reach a therapeutic level. There is no certain number of milligrams you should try to stay below. There is no clear evidence that if you stay below a certain level of methadone will guarantee your infant will not have withdrawal symptoms.

Because of the changes in your body during pregnancy, it’s not uncommon for women to need an increase in their methadone during the third trimester. With that said, you can most likely return to your pre-pregnancy dose after you deliver.

http://www.methadoneandpregnancy.com/?page_id=21#1

Explaining this too people who might judge me for being on methadone or tell me to stop seems to have helped and I hope it helps you also. Its also important to remember that some people minds can't be change as they rather stay close minded and set in their ways so dont let people opinions affect you too much. I know its hard I'm still having problems with this.

Charmed

Love is Hard Work

Relationships often challenge us to redefine ourselves. We must find a way to compromise and learn each others sensitive issues so that we may handle them with care. All our faults tend to come out in a close relationship. Our communication issues, our trust issues, our commitment issues, or self esteem issues. They all tend to come out and as hard as that can be on the relationship it gives us the opportunity to better ourselves by taking a look at our issues and working on them. Having gotten pregnant right at the beginning of my current relationship let me tell you all my issues are intensified specially in the first three months when my emotions were all over the place. Its not as bad now but still have a few kinks to work out. 

Its hard accepting that things change in a relationship, that it won't be like it was in the beginning. Something's that are said in the beginning to impress one another end up creating expectations that often lead to disappointment if we put too much trust in those first moments when people tend to portray who they want to be rather than who they really are. It took me a bit to realize that's how things are and that it is what it is. I try to be more tolerant and not expecting too much and so far its helped our relationship a lot.

I got better at not dwelling on how good things were in the beginning and wishing it was still like that because that made me resentful and angry which was only making things worst. I felt like I had been manipulated to fall in love and once I had that effort stopped. I felt like the relationship was disappointing but that's only because I was comparing it to how good it was in the beginning but when I started comparing it with past relationships and other relationships I've seen I realized our relationship wasn't that bad after all. It was actually pretty damn good. Don't get me wrong we still have our ups and downs but its filled with love and caring which makes it all worth it.

I know I have had troubles in my past two major relationships to see the good in my relationships, to appreciate what I had and for some reason I always felt like I deserved better. I don't know why I was this way and since realizing it I have gotten better at taking a moment to appreciate the good that I know was there all along I just never paid it much attention. Now I want to focus on the positive not just for me but for the little baby on the way. I want a stable, calm, loving, accepting environment to raise our baby in. I want to show them to see the beauty in life and appreciate all the positive that is sent our way. Wish me luck.

Charmed

Addicted To Caffeine!!

Ya that's me. I'm 100% addicted to caffeine. It first started with Pepsi (I drink it everyday) and an energy drink here and there when I needed the energy for school or work. Then starting about a year and a half ago I was drinking one almost everyday. I drink one to get up and stay up for an early class (early to me, I'm a night person). The first class of the day is always the hardest on me. And I drank another one to stay up for work on weekends. I worked either the 7:30 to 4:00 shift or the 4:00 to 12:30. I didn't think I could stop because I was just to busy and always tired which is probably due in part to the low iron in my blood, the not eating well and my methadone. Thankfully ever since I moved with my hubby he has been cooking these amazing meals with veggies almost every night and also the yogurt and fruit snacks he makes me during the day have really been helping give me energy. Although I find I still don't get enough sleep which doesn't help. Now since being pregnant I've looked into caffeine consumption and found out that I shouldn't be consuming more then 200 mg a day while pregnant which I've been making sure to do. Sadly being pregnant has made me even more tired so I do need my caffeine to get through my busy days. I'm proud of how much I cut down but I feel like it's still not enough. Its not really the pop that's has me worried but the energy drink (135mg of caffeine) because of all the other crap that's in it. So far I'm doing really good staying away from that stuff while pregnant but I giving up my Pepsi isn't happening as selfish as that might sound to some people I really can't deal with the headache when I don't drink any.

Yours truly Charmed

Emotional rollercoaster

This pregnancy is really taking its toll on my emotions. I've been all over the place. Getting irritated faster, getting hurt and crying easily, things just bother me more than usual. My hubby is really sweet and does a lot for me but when I get irritated or hurt he gets on the defense easily because he is sensitive which ends up making the situation worst. Don't get me wrong I love that he is sensitive because it makes him more romantic, more understanding, more caring, it means that he understand me in a way most people couldn't. I would never change that about him. But were also both pretty stubborn on top of being sensitive, sooo not the best combination and the result of this is that we tend to fight for the last word way longer than we should.

A perfect example of how much my emotions are all over the place would be when I cried because mcdonalds stop making supper at 4am so I couldn't get a Big Mac, which is funny cause I rarely eat Mcdonalds, like maybe 4 times a year. Its not really my thing but I was really craving a Big Mac. Just like today when I was craving apples and caramel I got off work early thinking the store would be open until 9pm so I could stop and get some before heading home but nope it was close and I just stood there feeling lost and not knowing what to do. Thankfully now that I'm in my second trimester things have calmed down. I'm still so tired though and working a 9 hour shift on my feet is hard. I wish I could work shorter shifts. Its so hard to get out of bed sometimes.

Yours Charmed