Being a recovering addict I don't handle stressful situations the same way as most people would. I feel everything so much more deeply and have always had a difficult time dealing with these feelings adequately (which is probably a major reason why I started using drugs in the first place).
Since being in recovery I have this need to be in control of everything in my life or at the very least know what's going on because being in control and having a plan is how I was able to get clean and stay that way. Now if I'm not in control or at least know whats going on I'll stress over it for hours on end. I like having a game plan when it comes to emotional changes and situations in my life. I need it to mentally prepare and stay emotionally stable. Not having or not knowing the plan for these major changes triggers stress and worry beyond belief for me.
It keeps me up at night, especially in this situation with the baby due in 9 weeks and having nothing ready. That's a pretty big emotional and important change coming up in my life and telling me "I'll take care of it" does nothing to sooth my anxiety. I need to be involved and know whats going on.
I started stressing out and worrying about getting everything ready for the baby this week but it was kept somewhat under control because we had been planning on waiting for my baby shower to know what I was getting before we started buying anything. I was a little disappointed by how little people showed up to my baby shower and by the small amount of stuff I got. I do appreciate what I got though and I'm grateful for the people who did show up but I'm still missing all the big items and so much of the smaller items, that I'm freaking out all over again.
The logical part of me knows its not that bad. We got enough money to buy a crib and maybe even a dresser, plus my mom's giving me her rocking chair so nursery furniture is taken care of. My cousin who planned the baby shower and my aunt gave me a huge baby basket with a lot of useful stuff. My cousin also gave me some stuff she already had like a newborn car seat, swing and baby tub. I also got a baby seat that vibrates and can be used to feed baby in, with a few pieces of different size clothes from the other people who attended.
I'm suppose to also get a stroller, a basinet, a playpen and some other stuff from my family out of town but I have no idea when or if it will happen and that what worries me. Not knowing exactly what else I'm getting and not having everything I need here with me now is a big part of what's bothering me and that has everything to do with needing to be in control.
On top of all that I don't really know all the things that I need for the baby and how I'm going to afford it. I don't feel prepared but I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions and try to relax. I'm working on just having faith that everything will turn out fine. Writing about it here really helps. And maybe you guys can comment and let me know some essential stuff I might need during the first few months so I don't feel so overwhelmed and lost.
I know I'm going to need more newborn clothes, diapers, breast pump, bottles, bottle brush, infant detergent, baby carrier, burp cloths, blankets, toys etc. Let me know what you needed in the first few months. Thanks.
Charmed
Hey girl! Great post and I completely understand what you r going through! It is important in recovery to be in control and have your emotions in check. Its tough on a good day let alone being pregnant and in school. I was in college the whole time I was pregnant, and had just bought a house. Like you I feel things very deeply and the simplest thing spins round and round in my brain keeping me up all night! Things always turn out in the end, but the in between sucks! It sounds like you got quite a bit which is good. Clothes for sure, bottles, bottle liners depending on bottles you get, diapers, nail clippers, nose bulb for sucking out the snot(Not sure the technical term for it) breast pads for leaky boobs, the milk literally runs sometimes yuck! A feeding pillow would be good. I would try to call your family out of town and ask them so that it eases your mind a little! or have your mom call them! If ever you need to ask anything about something you may not know don't be afraid to ask me ok! My daughter is 11 now but I still remember those times and what you r feeling right now! it can get overwhelming thinking about it all and you don't want to be without something once the baby is here! Like I said just DM me if you ever need to ask anything k! If I think of some other things you may need I will let you know k girl! xo
ReplyDeleteI went shopping for most of the necessities cost me 200$ plus 100$ for crib. So definitely broke now. Im getting second installment of osap in January so I can get more stuff then. All Im really going to need now is diapers and some more clothes which I can buy used. So I'm able to relax a bit. Although the impending labor is kind of scary. My hubby got to talk to a psychic on the radio and he said everything would go perfectly fine with delivery and baby was going to be healthy with no issues. :) definitely feeling better today.
DeleteIve made a list of stuff im missing which is more then i thought but im getting stuff from out of town this weekend and some of the stuff on the list can wait till january. Heres the list of stuff im missing lol lists make me feel better, like im in control. ;)
DeleteMore clothes, breast pump, bottle brush, newborn pacifier, gripper water, diapers, monitor, baby carrier, towels, leak proof pad for crib, baby hand sanitizer, toys, rocking chair, dresser, basinet, playpen, crib bedding, high chair, stroller, nursing pillow, diaper genie, bouncy walker, bigger microwave, curtains for bedroom,
Think positive as much as possible, your mind is running away! He needs diapers , feeding cleaning up and lots of tender care. My mother had no money, she put me in a small drawer for a bed. I Watch your decisions at this time. Another thing I didn't believe in pacifiers, also didn't let them cry long, but do it your way. will be following to see how you are doing!
ReplyDeleteYa I guess I don't need as much as I think I do, it would just make my life easier if I had them. I'm really grateful my family is giving me their baby stuff. That's really going to help. And I don't mind going to second hand places for anything else we might need. My hubby does work full time but with me not working at the moment it does make things a Lil more financially stressfull. Specially with the pay decrease of him going down to part time (or going on paternity leave) once our baby is born to help me out.The baby wasn't planned so soon, so we didn't get the time to save up like we would of liked but I'm sure we will manage just fine. Thank you so much for your comment and support, it really does help me. Take care
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