Why Do Recovering Addicts Judge Other Addicts?

You would think that recovering addicts wouldn't judge other recovering addicts, but unfortunately some of them do. 

With all this hating on the 12 step programs lately I thought it was important to point out that we shouldn't be judging other people's recovery choice. I feel like this should be common sense, however it isn't. If someone is making their life better in any way maybe we should just be happy for them. Since the whole law suit about AA causing someone's death, the hate has only escalated. People posted videos explaining how the 12 steps is a cult and all sorts of other nasty comments about the program. This program does great things for many people. People should stop focusing on all the negatives and look at the positives things this program does.

12 step programs were never my thing, but I never had anything against it until a few 12 step followers ganged up on me and told me I wasn't really in recovery and some other bullshit that's not really important here. When I realized only someone completely ignorant could say something like that I knew I shouldn't hold a grudge against the program and every person who follows it because of a few misguided people. Most people in recovery are open minded and accepting, that includes people in the 12 step programs. Don't let the few bad ones taint your view of the rest.

Even when we don't agree with someone's recovery program it doesn't give us the right to judge them and tell them what we think is wrong with their recovery. Judging someone for their recovery choice is like judging them for their choice of therapy. Just because they felt they had a right to judge my recovery doesn't mean I have to judge theirs. We aren't immune from discriminating just because we've been discriminated against ourselves. It might make us less likely to, but we all do it at some point. Whether we do it consciously or not, we need to actively make an effort to recognize our prejudice and challenge it.

Some of us might think we have the right to decide that one recovery is better than another because of some false sense of entitlement. Overcoming adversity and achieving recovery doesn't give someone anymore say on how others should live their life, or their recovery. This isn't a contest on which recovery path is the best and who gets to decide. We need a variety of recovery options for the variety of different people struggling with addiction. Most of the time people discriminate because of their own insecurities and this isn't something reserved strictly for the recovery community either. Even people in the LGBT community stigmatize bisexuals.

I've been trying to keep my posts positive lately, but I really wanted to address this issue hoping we could become more aware of our own prejudice and hopefully show kindness where we might want to judge. I know it's not always easy, especially when we do it unconsciously. When someone's judging it doesn't really have anything to do with the person their judging but more to do with them. I know it sounds crazy but its really about their insecurities and how they were raised. If this happens to you don't feel bad, even I get caught up in the nonsense.

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Yours truly,

Chelsie Charmed

Forgive Yourself for Being an Addict

Don't you think it's about time you forgive yourself for being an addict?

The sooner you forgive yourself the better off you'll be. I've met many recovering addicts, like me, who can't seem to forgive themselves for being an addict, even after years in recovery. We become so use to carrying this guilt around that sometimes we don't even know how much it's really affecting our lives. It affects things like our self-worth and what we believe we deserve. Consequently, we pass up many amazing opportunities because we don't think we deserved them. In the end, it keeps us from making the most out of life.

Find Out How Dangerous Beliefs Can Hinder Your Recovery

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to achieve something if you didn't believe you could. 

Sounds crazy right. How are you suppose to keep trying every day if you don't think it will get you anywhere. How would you stay motivated in the face of adversity if you don't believe it will work out. What's the point, you're just wasting your time. Right? Well to be honest, if you don't believe in your recovery you probably are wasting your time. 

Recovery doesn't just happen by accident.


The key to success in anything starts with the belief you can succeed, anything else is pure luck. I'm not saying if you have doubts you're doomed to fail. Everyone has doubts, it's whether you decide to give in to those doubts or face them and say I CAN DO THIS. When faced with doubts we can either talk ourselves out of going after our goals or we can give ourselves a pep talk. You might not think you can do it at first, but remind yourself of what you've already accomplished.

People just like you succeed every day and so can you. Believing you can achieve recovery will motivate you to keep trying after a relapse and when things get difficult. If you've been having troubles staying in recovery, instead of thinking I can't do this try changing that with I haven't been able to YET, but I will. You can use self-fulfilling prophecies to your advantage or to your demise. It's up to you.

If you choose to believe you can do something your thinking and behavior becomes aligned with that belief. If you believe you can do something you start acting like you can. People who choose to believe are more likely to persevere when their goals get challenging. You find a way to make it happen because you're confident it can happen.

People are making recovery so much more difficult for themselves when they choose to believe they can't stay drug-free or have a happy life in recovery. They're setting themselves up for failure before they even start. After all our mistakes and bad decisions, it's not always easy to believe we can achieve a happy life in recovery. If we believe history has any indication on our future it's easy to think we'll fail, but it doesn't have to be like that.

Your journey to a happy life in recovery will be filled with what might at first glance appear as failures, but that's not really what they are. They're much-needed lessons. If you learned something from the experience it can't be a complete failure. Mistakes are often the best teachers and the lessons they teach you will not only help you achieve this goal but will help you achieve other goals throughout your life.

Choose to believe in yourself. Just because you haven't been able to do something so far doesn't mean you won't be able to eventually. Visualize your life the way you want it, like it's already happening right now. What would you be doing? What would it look like? What would it feel like? Know you'll have a happy life in recovery and you will. Not by magic, but because belief changes our perspective and actions in such a way that's conductive to achieving our goals.

Life is all about learning and most endeavors have a learning curve. Skills like happiness are cultivated over time and effort. When you believe in something you find a way to make it happen because you don't give up until you find a way. Believing you can achieve something leads to strategizing, seeking out solutions and hard work. People achieve incredible things every day because they believe they can and you can be one of them if you want to be.

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Yours truly, 
Chelsie Charmed

PS. Do you think the power of belief is important in recovery? 

      Let me know in the comments.

Why People Should Date Recovering Addicts

Dating a recovering addict is a personal decision, but if you're thinking about dating one stick around. You'll probably want to after you learn the great qualities recovering addicts possess. If being a recovering addict makes you feel like you don't have as much to offer in a relationship read on, you need to hear this. I know the stigma often makes it difficult to date in recovery, but you're a great catch no matter what other people's preconceived notions are.

I Would Rather Date a Recovering Addict (even if they might relapse)

Let me explain.

The majority of recovering addicts have the qualities that are important to me, so it's easier to find someone I'll hit it off with when I'm dating a recovering addict. I've dated regular people of course, but it never developed into anything serious because there was always a part of me they couldn't understand. Only people who have been through addiction know the strength needed to overcome addiction. That's why recovering addicts are so compassionate. They understand their partner's struggles.

How You Can Use Your Relapse to Stay in Recovery

I want people to know that a relapse doesn't mean failure. Recovery time has been advertised as one of the most important thing in recovery, but it isn't. Whats important is never giving up and being happy. 

It's not uncommon to feel like giving up after losing all your recovery time, but what I've learned after all this time is each relapse was fundamental to my success in recovery. Its understandable to feel like you failed if you relapse, but if you learned anything at all, it wasnt a failure.

5 Simple Tips to Help Recovering Addicts Deal With Social Anxiety

Is Social Anxiety keeping you from the life you want?

Most people have dealt with social anxiety at some point in their lives. Public speaking is a great example. Have you ever had a presentation that made you so anxious that you could feel your heart beating out of your chest and feel your mouth get dryer by the second. I think we all have.

Being a college student I've had to do my fair share of presentations in the last couple years. The anxiety gets so bad that it gives me physical symptoms, and it takes me an enormous amount of effort not to talk a million miles an hour. I wish I could tell you the practice has taken away my anxiety, but its hasn't. It's gotten a bit easier, but mostly I've just gotten better at public speaking and dealing with my anxiety.

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Why Are So Many Recovering Addicts Suffering From Social Anxiety?

Is it Introversion Or Are We Suffering From Social Anxiety?

I think being an introvert makes it even harder to figure out if I suffer from social anxiety, especially if it isn't severe. Since being in recovery, I've had a hard time committing to social gatherings and I avoid talking on the phone like my life depends on it. However, I still enjoy hanging out with a few friends once in a while.

Are You Avoiding What You Really Want?

Are you settling for less than what you truly want?

You'll never get what you want if you don't first figure out what you want.

I don't mean the small stuff or in the moment instant gratification stuff. I mean what we want out of life, our jobs, our relationships and what we want from ourselves. Like when I finally realized I wanted a successful career and a better future I knew I would have to quit drugs.

5 Reasons Addicts Leave Treatment Early – And How to Prevent It

It is common for addiction patients to leave the rehab program without completing it. In order to live a healthy and happy lifestyle it is important that the patient is able to go through the entire treatment process and is able to continue to abstain from drug abuse after the completion of rehab process.

Reluctance

The patient could be resistant to go to rehab in the first place and may fail to achieve the desired result out of the rehab program if they lack motivation and drive to become healthy.

Solution: It is important to understand that the patient might be experiencing emotional turbulence and may feel that they would be isolated at the rehab center. The individual must be taken into confidence that all the changes are temporary and once the treatment is well on course, he will recover to a healthier life.

How to Cope With Devastating News Without Relapsing

When I fell in love with a Hep C patient I knew the risk I was taking, but somehow it still wasn't enough to prepare me for the bad news I received last week. My fiance caught Hep C from a blood transfusion for his hemophilia at 10 years old and he's been living with it for 22 years now. We knew liver cirrhosis was a possibility, but we never imagined that it would happen so soon.

10 Reasons Why Harm Reduction is Better Than Forced Abstinence

Harm Reduction: The Anti-War on Drugs

If you think about it, harm reduction does everything the war on drug does not. It doesn't treat addicts like criminals and incarcerate them, instead it saves lives and promotes an empathetic view of addicts which creates a better quality of life. Harm reduction programs provide a discrimination-free environment that doesn't force abstinence. Some examples of the harm reduction programs are:

5 Simple Tips on How to be Happy in Recovery

Over my 7 years in Recovery I've had many ups and downs. Like everything in our lives, nothing is good, easy or happy all of the time. That would just be weird and not real at all. In Recovery we get better at coping with the struggles and stress in our daily lives because if we don't, a relapse will surely follow. Recovery gets easier with time because we get wiser and stronger with each mistake and struggle we overcome. 

11 Amazing Reasons Why Recovery Month is Important to Me

In the spirit of Recovery Month I decided to dedicate my first September post to why Recovery is important to me.

Recovery is very personal and unique to each persons individual path. There are so many different ways to achieve recovery its difficult to put it all in one box. However, most recovery journeys begin with the desire for a better life and a recovery plan designed to meet our individual needs.

The Difference You Need to Know Between Addiction & Dependence

Physical dependence and addiction aren't the same.

Addiction can occur without physical dependence. For example, cocaine or methamphetamine both have little outwardly apparent withdrawal syndrome but addiction to either can devastate lives. Addictions to gambling, sex or the internet also have no physical dependence.

Physical dependence can also occur without addiction. It's common for most chronic pain patients who are able to take their opioid medication as prescribed for pain but don't develop the uncontrollable compulsion and loss of control. A desire to avoid withdrawal is not addiction.

3 Things You Should Consider Before Giving up On an Addict

Cutting off an Addict isn't Always the Best Way to Help them Reach Recovery.

Shocking! I know right, many of us have been told that enabling an addict and not cutting them off prevents them from reaching rock bottom and finally deciding they want to quit. However, I was able to get to a place where I decided I had enough while still having my mom's love and support. When my mother tried cutting me off my addiction got  worse. I know most parents love their children but not all children know there parents love them. Its not always easy convincing us we are loved because we often dont love ourselves but once we believe we our loved and supported no matter what the path to recovery becomes easier to envision. 

Why Only Some People Get Addicted?

Have you ever wondered why you got addicted from experimenting with drugs while some of your friends didn't?

No they're NOT weak. According to a new study we finally have the answer we've all been waiting for and everything we thought we knew about addiction is wrong.

For as long as I can remember we've believed that people can get addicted after using only once and consequently abstinence was the only way to prevent getting addicted. The experiment that supported this theory was the one where a rat was put in a cage alone with a water bottle and a drugged water bottle and almost always became obsessed with the drugged water until it killed itself. However, today there's a lot of evidence against this. The  obvious one for me is that not everyone who is prescribed painkillers gets addicted.

5 Great Ways Pets Can Help With Addiction Recovery

Did you know owning a pet can help with Addiction Recovery?

Around the time I decided I wanted to quit using, I saw an ad giving away free lab/huskie puppies. I usually don't read the newspaper but that day I was bored at my grandmother's house and decided to look at the newspaper when I came across the ad giving away free puppies. Right away I knew I wanted a dog, although at the time I had no idea how significant a role she would have in my recovery. They can do great things for someone in addiction recovery and it might just be that little bit of extra help that keeps them on the path to recovery.


However, I can't stress how important it is to be absolutely sure you can take care of them forever. It's very hard on a dog to get rehomed and they do not deserve to be neglected. I'd suggest adopting with someone who can take over if anything should happen. Whether it be a parent or a significant other make sure they're responsible and stable. Other great options are volunteering at a shelter, fostering for a shelter, or babysitting a friends dog. At least this way you can take care of a dog before you decide if its the right decision for you. There's also plenty of different pets to choose from.

Maggie opening her Christmas gift

 The 5 ways my dog Maggie helped with my addiction recovery:

1. My dog eased my stress and anxiety

Spending time with an animal has shown to reduce stress. This is important to recovery because stress and anxiety are some of the most common triggers that lead to using. Petting Maggie helped my body release tension which eased that feeling of pressure that stress can have. It feels similar to meditation in some ways. I became more relaxed and I was able to think more clearly. 

2. My dog taught me responsibility

Pets depend on us for their survival. If we don't feed them they won't eat. There's a strong bond that forms when we are responsible for someone's survival. Being responsible for Maggies survival brought out strength in me I didn't know we had. I had to think about someone else besides myself and budget money for her food every month.

3. My dog helped me keep a routine

Stability and some kind of routine is important in recovery. It helps create a sense of safety and helps reduce stress. If I didn't take her out to do her business she would do it in the house so I had to have some kind of routine with her as to when I took her out. I wouldn't have been able to train her not to go in the house if I didn't take her out regularly and I couldn't just leave for long periods at a time without her.

4. My dog gave me unconditional love

Animals don't judge or discriminate. They don't care that you were an addict or that you did things you're ashamed of in the past. They don't care how you look or if you're poor all they want is your attention and some food. They will always be happy to see you. Unconditional love like that helped heal things I didn't even know were broken. It helped me start loving myself again.

5. My dog gave me companionship 

Addiction can sometimes make us feel alone, like no one understands us. It was difficult to open up to people but not my dog. She was always there for me. Never too busy for a cuddle or to listen to me talked. She helped me get out of the house and go on walks. She helped me have fun and enjoy the smaller things around me. She was a great dog and I miss her so much.

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Yours truly,

Charmed

How I Became an Addict

I believe it started when my parents separated. Being such a daddy’s girl back then, it really shook me up when he wasn’t in my life as much. My mom moved me and my brother five hours away and I felt like my whole world came crashing down. Angry at my mom I started rebelling for the first time. I was around 11 when I started not listening to anyone and getting angry easily. No one saw the pain. I was just a spoiled brat with a mother who wasn’t disciplining me enough, which didn’t help because I actually felt the opposite of spoiled. I just had my dad, aka my whole world, taken from me. Seriously I use to follow my dad everywhere. He was the person I admired the most. People kept telling my mom she needed to be stricter with me but it honestly didn’t matter what she did I wasn’t listening. She could ground me or whatever but unless she was ready to physically fight me I wasn't listening. I didn’t do anything to crazy besides stay out late, skip class, smoke cigarettes and hanging out with the wrong people, especially boys.

How Can a Pregnant Teacher Dismiss Postpartum Struggles

Some people just won’t take mental illness seriously! Surprisingly one of those people ended up being my psychology professor. You would think a pregnant psychology professor would be more sympathetic towards a new mom suffering from a mild case of postpartum depression, but no, not even a doctor’s note would make her sympathetic to my situation.

Being a new mom in recovery, I wasn’t going to self-medicate to make myself feel better just to keep up with her demands. What’s even more disturbing is that she continually made things harder for me and graded my work like she had a grudge against me. To this day I can only speculate as to what was going through her mind.

Was she thinking that postpartum depression was only temporary and common so it wasn’t that serious? Was she thinking the Doctor only had my word on how I was feeling and what I was experiencing so it was too subjective for her to take seriously? Maybe she thought I was exaggerating the situation or that I didn’t seem ill so it couldn't be that bad.

I guess some people think postpartum depression and other mental illnesses aren’t real. I don't understand why. Everyone's struggle is real for them. Sometimes we don't even know what's going on in our own minds so how are we supposed to explain it to someone else. I didn’t want to share my past with her and explain to her that I was a recovering addict and that made things all the more difficult for me. I seriously thought a doctor’s note would suffice.