How to Approach a Sponsor

Guest Post by Joy Anderson

Find a Sponsor, Get a Sponsor, Call em!  But what the heck does that really mean??

When embarking on this journey of recovery we hear things like, “ find someone who has what you want.”  It takes a minute to find someone you can take the journey with. This is a really big deal,l what you are about to do - take these steps everyone keeps talking about. And trust me they will save your life.  You will be changing  a lot.  A lot of “stuff” is bound to come up.  Your sponsor needs to be someone you can relate to on some level and someone you trust. Sometimes we don’t always find the right sponsor right away.  

Can We Ever Fully Recover From Addiction ?

I've always wondered if us addicts could fully recover from our addictions or if we would forever be in recovery. I've come to realize that opinions on this vary a lot and this might be because we don't all have the same idea of what being recovered means. Even I've changed my opinion about it more then once. I used to think that fully recovering from an addiction was possible because I thought being recovered meant no more urges to do that drug of choice or that specific behavior.

I haven't had the urge to do drugs in a very long time. I can even be around it and not want any whatsoever. I thought that meant I was recovered but recently I've come to believe that although I might be recovered from my coke and oxy addiction, I will always have an addictive personality. That means I'll always need to be aware of my emotional state and Ill have to regularly keep track of my thought patterns, which means I'll always be in recovery. I really don't mind that because recovery for me means keeping myself happy.

To me recovery has always been practicing self care, keeping track of my feelings and analyzing why I feel the way I do, controlling my negative thoughts and practicing positive thoughts and self image. So basically working on staying happy and how to get there if I'm not. My recovery isn't just about drugs but about being happy and healthy. Its about growing and moving past the emotional trauma I've experienced. After 6 years I might be recovered from my drug addiction but for me recovery will always be part of my life.

What's your opinion on being able to fully recover from addiction ? 

 Yours Truly Charmed ;)

Have You Ever Been Bored in Recovery ?

I believe most recovering addicts had to deal with this at some point so I thought I'd write a post about how I overcame being bored when I first started my recovery process. This is a serious issue some of us face and has even led to some relapses for me. Once I stopped continuously searching for a way to get more drugs, which is a very consuming task, I had all this free time on my hands. I went from having something to do 24/7 to having nothing to do. It was a major change that I hadn't anticipated. I was constantly plagued with the feeling of being bored and it wasn't that I couldn't find anything to do but that nothing seemed interesting to me, and that put me on edge.

Boy, did that ever make me feel guilty. I was finally blessed with being sober and I felt bored. One of the worst parts about being bored is that all my thoughts came rushing to the forefront of my mind with no distractions to keep them at bay. It was way easier to only have to deal with my thoughts a little bit at a time but when I was bored they were ALL very present and very real. It was difficult to take it all in and sometimes Id relapse just to avoid all these thoughts rushing in at once. I knew I had to find something to keep me busy because I was determined to get clean and stay that way.

To try and help with the boredom I started thinking about what I use to like doing before I became a full blown addict. I also started thinking about what goals I wanted to achieve and what my dreams and aspirations were for my future. I needed to find things that inspired me and got me motivated which wasn't all that easy at first, nothing seemed interesting. Finding something to get you interested is going to be different for everyone but for me the process of moving past this initial boredom was when I picked up a book for the first time in years. I used to love reading growing up and rediscovering this long time passion really got me out of that rut of initial boredom.

After that everything slowly started getting better as I found more and more things to inspire and motivate me. Deciding to go to back to school was a big part of the recovery process. I needed to build a future for myself and what better reason than that to get motivated. So now I had reading and schooling to keep me company. I finally felt like I was being productive and I had something to be proud of. Soon after I was motivated to get a part time job and getting close with my family again. Something I wasn't ready for at the beginning of my recovery because I needed time to heal before putting myself out there again. Especially with a family who is well acquainted with drugs of all kinds.

This is different for everyone but if your faced with this feeling of boredom and contemplating using again to get away from that nagging feeling of having nothing to do and nothing interest you, or to keep all those thoughts from overwhelming you, I urge you to keep looking for your passion. Something that motivates you. Think about your future. Stay sober and keep looking for that one thing that inspires you, I promise it will all be worth it.

PS. Here's a little something I learned from one of my research papers at school.

Life in recovery isn't boring, that's your brain playing tricks on you. The chemicals in your brain that make you happy and make things interesting are reduced when your first starting recovery because most drugs provide these chemicals and your brain gets use to not having to produce them naturally. When you get sober you won't be receiving the chemicals provided by your drug of choice anymore and it will take your brain sometime to naturally start producing them again. Just give it time and soon enough your brain will realize it needs to start producing them naturally because you won't be giving it these chemicals.

Much Love, Charmed

Aren't All Women Suppose to be Domesticated

Lately I've been thinking more and more about how other women do it. Its seems so easy to some women to take care of their home and family. Its like they were born with this innate ability or talent of being the perfect house wife. Their houses are always clean and the meals are always cooked. Some even have a job on top of this. Where do they get the energy?This seriously puts me to shame. I really envy them, there like supermoms. I know my moms one of these super mom. She keeps everything clean and everyone fed. I wonder if most women are like this and if I'm the odd one out.

I'm a low energy person and I really like my sleep. Im often tired even before I got pregnant which makes it hard to do much of anything. I also dread cleaning since I do it a lot at work but that doesn't mean I don't get around to it. I cook supper usually 3 days a week and I clean the laundry, bathroom and floors at least once a week. I even get all the garbage together most weeks for my hubby to take out in the morning. But sometimes people around me and society make me feel like I'm still not doing enough.

I really have a hard time getting the dishes done. Its definitely the worst. I've asked my hubby if that could be a chore he was responsible for and do it once a week on weekends since I do other stuff but I'm made to feel like that's asking too much of him since he works hard labor all week. But am I really asking too much. If he did I would definitely cook more. I don't know, supposedly compared to the wife's of the guys my hubby works with, I could be doing more and not expecting help. I just don't see that as fair but it still makes me doubt myself. 

What do you guys think, should I do more? Please let me know in the comments below.

Sincerely Charmed

Its Official, I'm Having a Boy!!

It feels like I've been waiting for this all year. I finally found out I'm having a baby boy Nov. 18, a lil Scorpio we decided to name Chase. My mom and hubby came to the ultrasound with me on Thursday. It was really amazing seeing my baby and how big he's getting. We all got to find out it was a boy at the same time when he finally uncrossed his legs and showed us his boy part. 

I had been telling everyone it was a little boy ever since I found out I was pregnant. Its like my intuition just knew but I would of been happy either way, I just want a healthy baby and so far everything looks good. I went to the OBGYN this afternoon an she said everything look really good. I gained 4-5 pounds total since the beginning of my pregnancy and I'm now 22 weeks pregnant. The babies heart beat today was 147 and last time it was 154. Chase is about a pound and 11 inches. I really can't wait to meet him, but it does also scare me. I'm a natural worrier, I worry about everything excessively so worrying about being able to provide for my little one is nothing new.

Its my mom's first grand child and she's planning my baby shower with my cousin which I really really appreciate. I decided I wanted a galaxy theme with planets, stars and the moon. Its all getting so exciting but I'm also getting really anxious. It feels like I'm not prepared and everything's happening so fast. I wish me and my hubby could start shopping and getting the room ready but we want to wait and see what I'll be getting at the baby shower first because we don't have that much money to begin with and once I stop working, money going to be tight. I'm still working about 20-25 hours a week and its getting really hard but I want us to get a car before I take some time off. It really helps that my hubby has a decent job, it will keeps us going until I start working again. 

I'll probably stop working when I go back to school this September to finish my thesis which I'm also worried about not getting done because of the pregnancy and with the baby on the way but I'm really determined to get my diploma so I can provide a good life for my lil one. It's all going to be really hard but I just have to stay motivated and determined. Now I'm off to do some homework for my online courses I've been taking this summer,the exam are at the end of the month, so got to get to it. :)

Charmed

Having Fun Camping Sober

I finally left for camp this weekend. I had been anxiously waiting to go camping since last summer. I love camping and nature I just feel so at home and like I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be in the world. Its very relaxing, grounding and recharging. It makes one realize how wonderful sobriety can be. When your sober enough to notice the stars in the sky and the trees around you.


I spent a total of four nights there and although I'm ready to go home I hope I get to camp at least one more time this summer. I was there for their Christmas in July festival so I got to see a lot of people.  My aunt rented a cabin here and my cousin who's helping with the baby shower also came by with her one year old daughter. Each day had something different. They had lots of different things going on but I enjoyed the fireworks and cotton candy the most. They were even giving away free hotdogs and hamburger, plus Santa gave away free gifts to the kids on the last day. The camp ground was pretty packed for the event. I really enjoy camping, the sun, the bbqs and the campfires are the best.

Besides that I played some Texas Horse shoe and went swimming with my mom, my lil ten year old brother and my hubby. I even got to catch up and go swimming alone with a childhood best friend of mine who's also pregnant. Too bad I got swimmers itch on my bum, its driving me crazy, and I had even rinsed off in the shower after swimming and got changed right away. But nope I still got it and always have a this beach when I was a kid. Funny how my brother got the itch at the exact same place couple days before.

This was exactly what I needed this week. Family time camping will always be one of my top favorite things to do. Hope you all get to do stuff you love this summer and unplug from the world for a bit, it really does wonders for the soul.

Charmed

Is There Anybody Out There??

I've been dwelling on the fact that theirs probably only a very little amount of people that read my blog anymore. I don't even remember the last time someone commented on one of my post. That's probably somewhat my fault for disappearing months at a time here and there when I get busy with school. I know it shouldn't matter too much if not many people read my posts and I just should do it for myself and that's true. I want to be able to look back in years from now and see what I was thinking about at the time, but I already have a journal for that. I could do it to improve my writing but I find I'm more motivated to write good posts when I know people will be reading them. Its important to me to reach out to others and create some kind of support system with people who have dealt with addiction in their lives. A lot of the time I think of things I'd like to write about but then I think why bother no one will read it anyways. Here's to hoping that if I keep up with my writing at least once a week like Ive been doing Ill get more readers and more comments to let me know you guys are there and enjoying my posts.This is my 100th posts. :)  Have a great weekend everyone.

Charmed

Being A Pregnant Recovering Addict on Methadone

It's really hard for me to be open to people about being on methadone because of the negative stigma attached to it and now that I'm pregnant its even worst. Most people who aren't well informed about methadone seem to automatically think I'm a bad mother or that theirs going to be something wrong with my baby. I've personally seen many people on methadone have babies and all of them were perfect little bundles of joy. Being on meth is better than being on drugs and stopping meth or tapering off could lead to a miscarriage so trust me when I say I've looked into it and I'm doing the best I can for my little baby. I was tapering off before I got pregnant but I stopped when I found out because I didn't want to cause anymore stress on the baby and my body then it was already going through.

That being said its not easy being on methadone, my pharmacy totally screwed up my dose couple weeks ago and I went into major withdrawal for a week because they refused to fix it until my next pick up date. I hadn't felt that bad in a very long time. I can't explain the symptoms to someone whose never had them but I promise you their terrible and being pregnant made it all that much worst. I couldn't even take anything for it besides Tylenol which didn't really help and I was hesitant to take even that.

I've been taken by surprise by how much people expect pregnant women to follow these strict rules and get judge so negatively if they don't. Their so many dos and donts that I wasn't even aware of and how harsh some people can be if they find out your not doing or avoiding certain things. For example, the big issue about smoking when pregnant is so frowned upon that women posting in forums asking for advice on how to cut down or quit are met with rude comments. If their reactions were that rude to smoking I can just imagine how bad it would be if someone were to mention they were on methadone.

These people say things like just quit its your babies life, don't you care, your such a bad mother. Do they not know how these comments can really affect a pregnant hormonal person who's already worrying her but off about her babies health and safety. Like if it was that easy don't you think they would of done it already. I honestly think as a society we need to lay off the judgement and instead help each other out and accept peoples choices, that includes even me. Most of us are just doing the best we can and the judging doesn't help. I always try an remember that when I feel like judging someone for doing things differently than me.

This Post was Published On KLEN + SOBR Go Check it out :)

I've found that it helped to know as much as possible about methadone and pregnancy so I could answer any comments or questions people gave me. What I've found is this:

Is methadone safe for my baby?

Methadone treatment for pregnant women has been studied for the past 40 years and is considered the “gold standard” of treatment for pregnant women with opiate use disorder. Most babies born exposed to methadone have withdrawals and the hospital has medications to help the baby stay comfortable and manage withdrawal symptoms. If you stop using opiates suddenly you could miscarry, therefore it’s important to enter treatment if you are using illicit opiates or continue your medication-assisted treatment if you were in treatment when you became pregnant.

What if I want to taper off methadone?
Tapering is not recommend while you are pregnant, but you can always talk the medical staff at your treatment center about this issue. Being pregnant can be a very exciting and wonderful experience, but it can also be very stressful and scary. Tapering can add to that stress and some people have urges to use when they taper, even when they aren’t pregnant. Many pregnant patients feel it’s not worth the chance of relapsing, feeling withdrawals, and possibly miscarriage, so they decide to discuss tapering options after they give birth.

What about my dose…should I try to stay below a certain amount?

The most important thing to think about is how are you feeling physically. It’s important to take a dose of methadone that will keep you from having withdrawals or cravings for 24 hours (we call this a therapeutic level of methadone). When you first begin methadone treatment it may take a bit of time before you reach a therapeutic level. There is no certain number of milligrams you should try to stay below. There is no clear evidence that if you stay below a certain level of methadone will guarantee your infant will not have withdrawal symptoms.

Because of the changes in your body during pregnancy, it’s not uncommon for women to need an increase in their methadone during the third trimester. With that said, you can most likely return to your pre-pregnancy dose after you deliver.

http://www.methadoneandpregnancy.com/?page_id=21#1

Explaining this too people who might judge me for being on methadone or tell me to stop seems to have helped and I hope it helps you also. Its also important to remember that some people minds can't be change as they rather stay close minded and set in their ways so dont let people opinions affect you too much. I know its hard I'm still having problems with this.

Charmed

Poem: The Love of A Soulmate

In my heart forever will you stay,
Ever since that Christmas Day,
For the first time ever, I saw my forever,
Something we could build together.

Looking into a crowd and you’re all I see,
Nobody but you means this much to me,
The love you show me everyday
Keeps all the fear and pain away

All because I have found myself in you,
All of what I am I see mirrored in you,
It seems we have always been connected,
Waiting for our bodies and souls to be united.

Every time we are together,
It’s from one extreme to the other,
Our love and passion is so intense,
Gives me a feeling of time in suspense.

Our minds are linked by invisible ties,
That when I look into your eyes,
The whole world disappears,
No doubt, no fear.

To my one true Love and Father of the growing baby in my tummy D <3

PS. Check out the Crystal Healing Trees I make myself. They are super pretty and I find they can be very soothing and healing.

Charmed