Cutting off an Addict isn't Always the Best Way to Help them Reach Recovery.
Shocking! I know right, many of us have been told that enabling an addict and not cutting them off prevents them from reaching rock bottom and finally deciding they want to quit. However, I was able to get to a place where I decided I had enough while still having my mom's love and support. When my mother tried cutting me off my addiction got worse. I know most parents love their children but not all children know there parents love them. Its not always easy convincing us we are loved because we often dont love ourselves but once we believe we our loved and supported no matter what the path to recovery becomes easier to envision.
Here are 3 Ways having my Moms love and support enabled me to find my path to recovery.
Her Continual Support Encouraged Me to Believe in Myself & Eventually my Recovery
My mom was so forgiving, she rarely judge me for my mistakes. She let me fall and make those mistakes but she was always there to help me when I really needed her. Maybe her own struggles with addiction gave her the skills she needed to understand me and not give up on me and because she believed in me enough to keep helping me I was able to start believing in myself. Her support even when I wasn't ready to quit and she was dealing with her own problems let me know I was loved unconditionally. This became the foundation upon which I would eventually start my recovery.
Her Unconditional Love Helped Me Love Myself Enough to Want More Out of Life
Many addicts are taught that love has conditions like being clean and sober. I don't want you in my life until you decide to get help is something a lot of us hear. However, my mom was always there when I really needed her. Her support no matter what I was doing taught me I was worth loving despite my choices which encouraged me to start loving myself. No matter what she was going through she never made me feel like she doubted my capacity to achieve more out if life. I never would of chose recovery if I hadn't started seeing myself as someone worth loving and believing I deserved more out of life.
Having Somewhere to go When Things got Bad Kept My Addiction From Getting Worse
My drug use would have escalated when my life was falling apart if I didn't have somewhere or someone to turn to. Addicts often turn to drugs for companionship or to drown their sorrows. Just to forget the pain of being alone with nowhere to go I would have used more and more until an overdosed stopped me. Thankfully, even when I wasn't ready to quit I was welcomed at my moms. At the very least she would help me make arrangements to live somewhere else so I wouldn't be left homeless.
I know it's not always possible to be there for the addicts in our lives but if you want to be there for them I think you should. This is just my experience but if my mom would have listened to the people telling her to detach herself from me I wouldn't be clean today. Having my mom not giving up on me taught me not to give up on my recovery. Have boundaries, sure, but you don't need to give up on them just because most people tell you too. Accepting that they aren't ready to quit and still being there for them really sends the message that you love them no matter what. It's not easy but showing love is always the right thing to do.
Charmed
Me always being there has set me up to being taken advantage of.
ReplyDeleteI understand that it's not for everyone because it's not easy. It's for people who are strong enough to set boundaries but still be able to offer their love and support. It takes a lot of work so it's easier for people who are really invested in the addict like a parent is with a child. And some people don't have their lives in order enough to help someone else. You can't take care of someone else unless you take care of you first.
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