Sunday, September 28, 2014

No Social Assistance For Addicts

People should get drug tested before receiving social assistance or any kind of money from the government.

Now I can't count how many times I've heard this from people, most of which have never battled with addiction or been on social assistance. I'm seriously getting tired of hearing it and unless they have experienced it themselves they shouldn't be judging and telling people how the system should operate. I've avoided talking about this because I know how much of a fuss this topic can cause and I didn't really want to deal with all the negative comments but I've realized my readers are kind and compassionate enough to respect my opinion and not leave any negative comments. Although I know a lot of people are set in their way of thinking and are going to disagree with me, just let me explain why I think taking social assistance away from addicts is a terrible idea.

The obvious reason (well to me) would be crime going up because people who are addicted need money for their next fix and without that next fix they would go into severe withdrawals. I know theirs ways for them to get better but some are just not mentally there yet, for whatever reason. For example, the chances of stuff being stolen, more people dealing drugs, having more homeless people or having more sex workers on our streets would go up. Theirs also the fact that a lot of people who do drugs also buy necessities like rent and food with their money, like I did, and especially people with children. I should know I once was one of those kids. It would of been way worst for me as a child had my parents not received social assistance. Taking me away from my parents wouldnt of helped, I would of ended up rebelling even more and would of probably ran away. When I was on social assistance and addicted to drugs I still bought myself food and paid my rent. I wouldn't of survived otherwise and would of probably become somewhat suicidal. Social assistance helps people in soo many ways.

There's so many reason why someones drug test could come back positive. Besides the fact that it might just be an occasional or rare thing that the person does, what about someone who smokes weed for fibromyalgia pain because they haven't received the proper medical care and the doctor they've seen can't figure out whats wrong. There's just so many possibilities that we can't even imagine that denying people social assistance based on drug testing is unjust and discriminatory, not to mention the drug test itself is an invasion of privacy. Taking social assistance away wont solve the problem it will just make it worst. We have no right to judge people like that. We don't know what they're going through. I just wish people would keep that in mind instead of attacking people on social assistance.

If you can think of any other reasons why drug testing and social assistance is a bad idea please feel free to share in the comments. Thanks :)

Thank you so much for stopping by. Lets stay in touch :)
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PS. Also wanted to mention that Ive been thinking of only posting every Sunday instead of every Wednesday and Sunday unless you guys tell me in the comments that you really enjoy 2 posts a week I'll start posting once a week. =) love all my readers, your opinions matter to me and I appreciate you all so much. Thanks

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Why Doesn't He Want to Have Sex With Me? Methadone & Low Testosterone

This might be an embarrassing topic to talk about since low testosterone causes a low sex drive (among other things like fatigue and lack of motivation), but I believe its important for us to talk about because its a real problem facing many men and couples on methadone. Sadly too many people stay quiet about this issue because of the stigma attached to it. Like a low sex drive not being manly or it taking away from their manhood, and for women they might feel inadequate or like its their fault somehow that their partner doesn't want to have sex with them. I should know, I've been dealing with this myself.

I'm hoping by writing about my struggles here it will let people know their not alone and theirs no shame in getting tested for LowT if they feel like they are having the same issues. Well my hubby never wants to have sex with me and its really been hurting my feelings. Although I've been reassured this isn't the case it makes me feel like I'm not attractive to him or that he doesn't want me because he doesn't love me. I've known methadone to lower people sex drive and I believe him when he says he's just tired and not in the mood but that doesn't remove the pain of rejection completely and it doesn't fix the problem. On the rare times we do have sex I feel like I have to bug him for it which is so not a turn on for me and it's all really affecting our sex life and with that our relationship. Intimacy is important for me to feel connected to him.

I knew from past experience that methadone, especially a high dose of methadone, can cause a low sex drive but I never thought anything could be done about it besides him getting off methadone and risking his sobriety. But thanks to a recent study done on low testosterone and methadone we have realized that his none existent sex drive and constant fatigue might be due to low testosterone which is usually treatable. We are happy that finally something can be done about it that doesn't involve him risking his sobriety by getting off methadone but he still needs to ask his doctor on his next appointment about getting tested for it. We wont know for sure if something can be done about it until then but I'm hopeful we have discovered what the problem is and that it can be treated.

Are you having similar issues? Have you ever had similar issues? Please let me know in the comments below and give courage to those who need it. If we talk about it we can give people the courage to get tested and treated which can improve many aspects of their lives. Cheers to being happy and healthy :)

The link to the Study:

Thank you so much for stopping by. Lets stay in touch :)
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PS. Check out the Crystal Healing Trees I make myself. They are super pretty and I find they can be very soothing and healing.


Sunday, September 21, 2014

Dealing with Stress and Addiction Triggers

Being a recovering addict I don't handle stressful situations the same way as most people would. I feel everything so much more deeply and have always had a difficult time dealing with these feelings adequately (which is probably a major reason why I started using drugs in the first place).

Since being in recovery I have this need to be in control of everything in my life or at the very least know what's going on because being in control and having a plan is how I was able to get clean and stay that way. Now if I'm not in control or at least know whats going on I'll stress over it for hours on end. I like having a game plan when it comes to emotional changes and situations in my life. I need it to mentally prepare and stay emotionally stable. Not having or not knowing the plan for these major changes triggers stress and worry beyond belief for me.

It keeps me up at night, especially in this situation with the baby due in 9 weeks and having nothing ready. That's a pretty big emotional and important change coming up in my life and telling me "I'll take care of it" does nothing to sooth my anxiety. I need to be involved and know whats going on.

I started stressing out and worrying about getting everything ready for the baby this week but it was kept somewhat under control because we had been planning on waiting for my baby shower to know what I was getting before we started buying anything. I was a little disappointed by how little people showed up to my baby shower and by the small amount of stuff I got. I do appreciate what I got though and I'm grateful for the people who did show up but I'm still missing all the big items and so much of the smaller items, that I'm freaking out all over again.

The logical part of me knows its not that bad. We got enough money to buy a crib and maybe even a dresser, plus my mom's giving me her rocking chair so nursery furniture is taken care of. My cousin who planned the baby shower and my aunt gave me a huge baby basket with a lot of useful stuff. My cousin also gave me some stuff she already had like a newborn car seat, swing and baby tub. I also got a baby seat that vibrates and can be used to feed baby in, with a few pieces of different size clothes from the other people who attended.

I'm suppose to also get a stroller, a basinet, a playpen and some other stuff from my family out of town but I have no idea when or if it will happen and that what worries me. Not knowing exactly what else I'm getting and not having everything I need here with me now is a big part of what's bothering me and that has everything to do with needing to be in control.

On top of all that I don't really know all the things that I need for the baby and how I'm going to afford it. I don't feel prepared but I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions and try to relax. I'm working on just having faith that everything will turn out fine. Writing about it here really helps. And maybe you guys can comment and let me know some essential stuff I might need during the first few months so I don't feel so overwhelmed and lost.

I know I'm going to need more newborn clothes, diapers, breast pump, bottles, bottle brush, infant detergent, baby carrier, burp cloths, blankets, toys etc. Let me know what you needed in the first few months. Thanks.


Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Gracie's Secret: The Perfect Book For Children of Addicts

I absolutely love this book I just read and thought I'd share it with all of you.

Gracie's Secret is written by Lorelie Rozzano, a woman in recovery who grew up in an alcoholic home. This children book is intended for kids growing up in addicted families who need help understanding and talking about their feelings. Although I believe this would be a useful book for any kid and not just children in troubled families because all children need to learn how to manage and talk about their negative feelings. It's definitely something I'll read to my little one once he's old enough.

I really love the idea behind this book. I think it's great to have a tool like this to help kids understand and open up about their feelings. The book is written in such a way that any kid having a difficult time with their feelings or living in a troubled home would be able to relate to this story. The author explains feelings in a way that can be easily understood by young children and the beautiful illustrations are so well done it enhances the comprehension of the story line.It even has simple questions at the end of the book to help get kids thinking about the people they can talk to and how Gracie story relates to them.

It's also a great read for adults who lived in a troubled home or has dealt with addiction themselves because most of us can relate in some way to this little sad girl. Also a great book for any parent who has been addicted or has dealt with a bumpy family life because this book offers them the child perspective in this situation and might help the parent understand what their child is going through a bit better. Fostering understanding and compassion for their child who might find themselves in a similar situation.

This is the author Lorelie’s blog if you want to know more about her, and the book can be purchased here. If you buy the book please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on it. Thanks a bunch everyone  =) Take Care


Sunday, September 14, 2014

Children's Aid: Never Where Their Needed The Most

I was recently informed by my doctor that I'd have to call Children's Aid before my due date to let them know I'm clean and provide them with a letter from my doctor informing them that I'm stable. I'm not happy about this for many reasons but mainly because I know way too many bad things about Children's Aid and how they operate, plus I feel like its unfair that I have to defend myself and prove to them that I'm clean. Kind of feels like prejudice to me, specially because it wont just stop at a letter from my doctor. They will start asking a million and one questions about my life trying to find some reason to become more involved. Or at least that's been what I've known them to do.

I know that their just doing their jobs by making sure I'm clean and I should be happy that their protecting children from unhealthy homes where parents do drugs. The problem is they often get involved in cases where the child is doing fine and cause the family trouble. Sadly I've heard this kind of situation happening from many families. So it probably won't stop with just having to give them a letter. Even though I have nothing to hide I feel like they will put me under a microscope and judge every little thing until they can find something to cause me trouble. 

Also I think about my own childhood and how although my parents weren't perfect and addiction was involved taking me away from them would of caused more harm then good. I probably would of became severely depressed being taken away from my parents.I remember when I was younger a worker came to talk to me at my home and it was just a terrible experience. He came in acting like he owned the place and started telling me I wasn't a good kid for not listening to my mom. It did nothing to help my situation that's for sure.

My partner also had a not so pleasant run in with them when he had his daughter with his ex. The guy worker that came over to talk to his ex started hitting on her and asked her out. Making my hubby sound like a bad guy for not being home because he was working out of town. Thankfully this worker lost his job. Another example, would be them harassing my Dad and trying to take my little brother away. They demanded a drug test 5 times in the past 2 years because he past each time the last time he made sure to tell them if they bothered him again he would be pressing charges. I don't know how that works or if he can press charges but I hope something can be done about bad workers and their flawed system.

I believe in having something in place to protect children but our children's aid system seriously needs work to be just and effective. Hopefully they don't give me any problems when I give them my doctors letter and they don't question me because knowing myself I'll get defensive and pissed. My diplomacy skills do need work I'll admit that LOL. I'll keep you guys all updated on how it goes. Anybody else here have had experience with Children's Aid ?Good or Bad, let me know in the comments below, please. Thanks for listening to me vent and rant, you guys are awesome :D

Check out this story about a mother who lost her child from the time he was born until he was 9 months old when she finally won her case against CAS for being on methadone. They took the child at the hospital and told her she couldn't have custody until she got off methadone.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Guest Post : The Best & The Worst of Methadone

The debate continues on about whether or not methadone is a good tool in recovery or if it is just a hindrance. we will share with you the pros and cons of methadone from our perspective as a couple who are currently on methadone in Ontario, Canada.

As opiate addicts looking for a way out of the lifestyle after 18 years of heavy drug abuse for myself and 24 years for stixx, and having tried other ways to succeed, methadone made sense to us. There are many people who have had both positive and negative experiences, as people would with any other treatment form. There is no wrong way in recovery, it either works for you or it doesn't. I believe people are entitled to their views, but pushing the form of treatment that worked for them on others is not right. If abstinence programs worked for everyone, there wouldn't be such a problem.If it worked for you great, but if it doesn't work for your friend, don't be negative, we are all in some form of recovery that's all that matters.

When I first began MMT I didn't really know what methadone was other than an orange drink that took away your sickness. I was so naive, I had only known two people in the past who were on methadone but it wasn't something that I had really spoke about with them nor considered for myself at the time. I remember one girl passing out at the cash register in a hardware store while looking for money in her purse, the cashier looked at me and I at her. so I thought that was what it did, to each their own I thought! I didn't realize that it would really help save my life a few years later. 

Stixx knew what it was but he wasn't interested in it at all, as it was juice and something you drank, not interesting to a person using needles! He had started MMT a few months before me, at this point I didn't know him. We started seeing each other a year into our recovery and have been going strong since. Our heads are in the same place regarding recovery, so it works!

The stigma attached to methadone is unbelievable, if used as a bridge for those with severe addictions, mental health issues, disease, years of drug abuse and having tried many different ways to be rid of the lifestyle addiction places you in, it can work.

 We have seen many people in the clinic who have only been addicted to opiates for a short time and have never tried other options at kicking the habit, addiction hasn't even yet ruined their life and these people should really consider other treatment forms first! Some they are their soley to get it as a crutch between their next high, it is difficult for doctors to screen people and sort out who has or hasn't a severe addiction, people lie as they do at any doctors office just to get what they want. 
You must have a strong desire to succeed in treatment and methadone should be used in conjunction with some form of counselling/therapy to help you identify underlying issues that could cause you to slide back into addiction.

Methadone is the choice of those seeking treatment, as it is with someone going to an in-patient facility or choosing to go cold turkey, nothing is pushed on them, if they feel that's the treatment for them then that is their choice. Anyone who is looking into treatment should thoroughly research their options, that being said here are the pro's and con's of methadone maintenance treatment:

  • Allows you to focus on cleaning up your life right now, such as getting off the streets, getting to work, getting/keeping your kids, etc
  • Allows you to begin living without worry of withdrawals until you feel as though you are strong enough to begin a taper, you are not rushed to taper.
  • You can break the habits that come with addiction.
  • Improves your health and well-being all around
  • Lowers criminal activity associated with feeding your habit.
  • Many times addictions and mental health issues go hand in hand, methadone allows you to focus on those issues before having to deal with the physical withdrawals of addiction. Without doing that your chances of relapsing and possibly falling deeper into despair are much higher.
  • Methadone has been used for 45 years, effectively and there are many studies that show this.
  • Don't have to wake up to that sick feeling everyday
  • Don't have to go hunting for pills every day, finding money, finding a place to do the drugs, etc. (Wheeling and dealing!)
  • Allows you to find a stable dose, unlike being on fentanyl, morphine, etc., where you need to continually increase dose to feel same effect
  • You drink methadone once a day, rather than using needles which could possibly be contaminated, thus contracting diseases such as Hep 'C', HIV, Etc. You no longer have to worry about dangerous infections from abscesses.
  • Methadone is much more preferable than trying to quit, relapsing, trying to quit and so on. Each time this happens your chances of overdosing are high. On methadone you no longer have to worry about that and come off slowly while leading a normal life.
  • Methadone stabilizes the brain chemistry that has been destroyed during drug abuse.
  • Methadone eases the worry of not knowing exactly what is in the drugs you are buying, as methadone is dispensed from a certified pharmacy.
  • You do not get high and are able to function normally without looking like a drug addict.
  • You can hold down a job, own a home and raise a family, which was impossible for some to do while in the depth of addiction.
  • Allows you to stay in treatment longer and receive proper care.
  • The cost is much cheaper than what your addiction may have cost you
  • Methadone does not cause a euphoric rush
  • Methadone is a great harm reduction tool

  • The stigma that surrounds methadone is sometimes a barrier to receiving treatment.
  • Side effects such as sweating, weight gain, libido loss, etc (Some side effects will not occur if your dose is fairly low, higher doses increase chance of some of these side effects, but not in all cases)
  • Some of these side effects can really affect your relationship and cause extra problems you don't need while in recovery
  • Overdose can happen if you take other pills in combination with methadone, or take more than you are prescribed. This happens usually in the beginning of treatment when you still haven't reached a stable dose to keep you drug free (We continued using until we reached that level, but overdose was possible each time we took pills and due to the "Blocking effect" (antagonist) methadone has. You take more pills until you feel them. This is dangerous!
  • The possibility of losing employment if screened for drugs, as some people consider methadone to be illegal and illicit. There is much stigma in being employed as a methadone patient
  • You are forever going to the clinic until you can receive carries or take-homes
  • You have to make arrangements to go out of town. So you are kind of limited as to where and what you can do I.e camping, job related travel, Etc. If you do not have carries and have to dose daily, you are unable to go, unless your clinic/pharmacy is lenient and allows you to carry a day or two.
  • Transportation costs/finding ways to get your dose for some people living in rural areas or if your town does not allow methadone clinics/pharmacies.
  • Having to plan your life around the methadone clinic.

Despite the drawbacks of methadone, it is better than the lifestyle of addiction and the pros far outweigh the cons. Again, always research a treatment option rather than jumping straight into it. We have written an article on our blog,, called "Who should or shouldn't take methadone" and it can be helpful in seeing if methadone is a choice for you. We hope this has been helpful and we hope it helps at least one person take a positive step in the right direction.

Published on ezine here

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Should us Addicts be in Prison ?

Lets just incarcerate everyone that does drugs and have them do drugs in prison instead. That way it will cost our government a boat load of money just for the peace of mind of everyone who hasnt been affected by drugs.

We do a lot of things when we are in active addiction that's against the law but is prison really the answer?

I remember when I had to go to court for check fraud when I was 16 and in the middle of my full blown addiction. I got a call from the police department that they wanted to talk to me. The check situation was completely out of my mind by that time so I went in not sure what to expect. They ended up treating me like a victim, acting like they felt sorry for me. Maybe it was because I was only sixteen and my boyfriend was 21. They even asked me if my boyfriend made me do it. I was honest and told them that no one made me do it I did it because I was addicted to drugs.

After informing me that I'd have to go to court because the store where I had cashed the checks was pressing charges they asked that I tell my boyfriend they also wanted to speak with him. Thankfully, the charges were eventually dropped although I'm still not sure why. I like to think it had something to do with us being young, addicted, and wanting to give us a chance to do better with our lives before giving us a criminal record. I know it's probably wishful thinking.

I'm happy that more addicts are getting sentenced with mandatory treatment instead of prison lately, but our jail population is still filled with too many addicts who aren't getting the proper treatment. Going to jail gives them the opportunity to get clean but once released the chances of relapse are extremely high. If you're like me and you believe that addiction is a mental health issue then wouldn't mandatory treatment be a better option for addicts. If we truly want to rehabilitate them and help them become productive members of society then addressing their addiction would be the best course of action.

Putting addicts in prison isn't actually fixing the problem it's only putting it on hold. Don't get me wrong some crimes do deserve jail time, no doubt about that, but if the crime was due to an addiction chances of them repeating that crime are extremely high if the addiction isn't treated properly. I think for the more severe crimes they should still get some jail time but with access to proper addiction treatment.

Our society should incorporate effective addiction treatments in all prisons. For the minor drug offenses mandatory treatment would be ideal. The influence of more hardcore criminals can be destructive to addicts who are only there for drug related offenses. People usually come out of prison with better connections and ways of committing crimes so keeping them separated could benefit everyone. I'm glad our society is finally recognizing the fact that addicts need real help, not just prison time.

What do you guys think. Let me know in the comments below.


Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Addiction Facts for Recovery Month Awareness

Being that September is the 25th annual Recovery Month I thought Id share some facts about addiction and recovery to raise some awareness. As a recovering addict I think its pretty neat that we have a whole month dedicated to recovery. The Recovery Month.Gov  has a bunch of info on recovery month if you want to check that out. 

This year’s theme, “Join the Voices for Recovery: Speak Up, Reach Out,” encourages people to openly speak up about mental and substance use disorders and the reality of recovery, and promotes ways individuals can use to recognize behavioral health issues and reach out for help. Recovery Month spreads the positive message that behavioral health is essential to overall health, that prevention works, treatment is effective and people can and do recover.
Also the ihavewill has started the lemon challenge to raise awareness. The challenge is to eat or suck on a lemon and keep a straight face and filming it to share with everyone. If you can keep a straight face keep eating. Its a fun challenge and a great way to raise awareness.

Now here are some facts :
(Click on a fact to be redirected to its source)

Charmed  =)