Friday, January 31, 2014

Poem: Loving The Damaged Parts of My heart

This Poem is dedicated to that special person who made me believe that love doesn't have to hurt. 

The time spent hurt and alone
In the presence of one that would never know
The depths of my soul that would never heal
To understand would be to feel

Now left damaged and untrusting
For someone to find loving
The damaged parts that I've become
To pick them up and make them home

For only one with a soul replicated
Could love the parts I've hated
Mirrored souls become one mind
Left for my other half to find

In the deep reaches of my mind
There you will find a love so kind
That hides behind walls so tall
Only a true heart can make them fall

By one who accepts my damaged parts
Cherishing the broken pieces of my heart
Never needing for them to be put together
Seeing the beauty in its disaster

Friday, January 03, 2014

Doubt When Making Changes

I wrote this post right after New Year's Eve this year but didn't know if I should post it. But I finally decided to let my thoughts of that moment be known. I've changed many things in my life and it doesn't get any easier the more times I do it. Changes still scares me. I usually fight it every step of the way trying to convince myself that things are fine the way they are. Although when my heart’s desire becomes greater than the fear, my soul finds the courage to carry on as planned. Taking that leap, that risk that might just change everything.

From last Christmas to this Christmas so much has happened, so much has changed, but still so much is still the same. I'm almost in the same position I was a year ago. I'm in a relationship where I'm rarely happy but God, the Goddess, destiny or fate, whatever you want to call it, has seen fit to put another man in my life to give me another chance at happiness, if only I have the courage to reach out and take the opportunity given to me. This is not something I do carelessly or easily, be it bad or good, all my choices are calculated, exploring every possibly; the things that can go wrong and the things that can go right. I tend to over analyze everything and get lost in my own mind. I'm obviously a Pisces but being a Pisces also means that I rely a lot on my instincts and emotions which are an important part of the calculating process.

When I make the decision to go ahead with something it’s with a lot of thought and care, which sometimes makes me hesitate and I miss out on the wonderful opportunity given to me. It’s really helping that my emotions are really strong for this person, I can’t believe how much I feel connected to him and it all just feels so right. On the other hand I'm nervous and scared because I've been fooled before and I've learnt not to trust my instinct. I'm not saying this person isn't a wonderful person but what if he changes with time and becomes someone completely different, its happened to me before. On top of that I'm really scared about having to deal with the guy I'm in a relationship with, I know he will make it hard for me to leave. He will fight and I don't completely trust him to let me leave with all my things. I don't even want to think about how that's going to work or how it will even happen. See I'm over thinking everything again why can't I stop doubting myself.

PS. Check out the Crystal Healing Trees I make myself. They are super pretty and I find they can be very soothing and healing.