Monday, December 23, 2013

Has Christmas Changed or Have I ?

This Christmas just seems different from the rest. Last year my boyfriend asked me why I expected gifts from my parents and my answer was they have always done it and well this year I really wanted an e-reader. The truth is I needed the gifts to feel special and I felt like I deserved it. It was tradition I didn't want to let go of. Every year I looked at Christmas as an opportunity to get something, like most kids do. At 23 I was still feeling this way which seemed a bit old to my boyfriend, who said he hasn't expected anything from his parents in a long time. I just didn't see how he could compare the two since he never see's his family and I'm really close to mine, which is something I value greatly. Now one year later at 24 I didn't even think about what I wanted so when my parents asked I was at a loss. This felt odd to me because I'd always had a huge list ready for them every year, well not really for my dad anymore since I learnt years ago that something always happens around the holidays where money goes missing and he can't afford much. I didn't know what to ask for and after thinking about it real hard I mumbled something about if their dog had puppies I'd take one, pajamas, a spice rack, a computer desk or a crock pot. Whatever they could afford was fine and it could be second hand stuff. All I was really thinking about was spending time with them.

It's weird how my way of thinking changed without me even realizing it. Now I don't need presents from them to feel loved and I feel like whatever I need I can buy myself. Christmas and holidays should be about family but sadly our society puts a lot of importance on gifts to get us to spend tons and tons of money and in result kids expect it and parents feel the need to buy the best. I expected it for years, I'm not any different from anyone else, but I'm glad this year I've experienced this deep spiritual growth that’s made me realize what's really important. I'm just really happy to be at my mom's this holiday and it’s a big relief to not have to worry about school. I hadn't came to my mom’s since this summer which is probably the longest time I've went without seeing her and I missed her so freaking much. I even really missed my little brothers which don’t happen because I never go this long without seeing them. I just feel so blessed to have them in my life and to be able to spend time with them. To make things even better the oldest brother who's lives literally 3 days drive away is also at my mom’s for the holidays and my boyfriend who didn't get to come last years is coming down on Tuesday to be with my family for the holidays. Not to spoil the moment but I'm still a little worried he won't show up so I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed and will let you know what happens.


My Christmas Tree @ home