Sunday, April 12, 2015

My Body Wasn't This Messed Up When I Was Doing Drugs

I just had a baby (l know, I know its been 4 months) and my body is falling apart. Besides the few stretch marks on my belly that decided to only appear once I had my baby boy, I'm losing my hair in chunks (you should see the size of the balls of hair blowing around my place), I've lost both pinky toenails and I'm getting cavity after cavity among other health problems. Oh and did I forget to mention I've only lost 8 pounds since having my baby 4 months ago. I know, I know it's my fault. I went on a cookie binge after having the little one which was promptly followed by a cashew binge. Haaa you see I told you, totally my fault I'm not losing the weight. Once an addict always an addict. Well for me anyways, I have an addictive personality and I have a difficult time with moderation when I love something. Although if I put my mind to it kicking my problem with food isn't as bad as it could be. 

Plus, who the heck is going to go exercise in cold or slushy weather. Not me that's for sure. Well except for that one time last month where I thought it be a great idea to bring the baby out for a walk in his stroller. The excitement of our first warm day here in Ontario Canada got the best of me and I didn't forsee the half melted ice as the insane obstacle it would be to a person trying to push a stroller. I got to the store and took a cab of shame back to my place. After that little adventure there was no way I was trying that again until the ice and snow had melted.

I'm really considering going to gym again to get some exercise, now that my neighbor asked me to go with her. The monthly passes are only 20$ and I was told that the gym has a sauna, a Jacuzzi, massage tables and tanning beds. The best part is that she can bring a person with her for free every time she goes so I don't have to spend any money unless I want to go without her. Having someone to go with make all the difference. I just have to get over my initial shyness which shouldn't be too difficult with another recovering addict, we probably have a lot in common.

I've decided that there was little to be done for my poor toenails and they would just have to fend for themselves while I increasingly struggled to hide my growing bald spot near my hair line. Even though I'm still shedding like Sasquatch and the whole family tends to choke on hairballs a little too often for my liking, I can see that the hair is growing back its just very short. Not much I can do there but wait it out and stay vigilant for any hairball hazards.

As for these lovely stretch marks, who decided to make the presence known only after my pregnancy when I finally thought I was safe from their vicious clutches, I got some bio oil. I started accepting the fact that even though the redness might fade they will always be there, which I guess isn't so bad, right. They can serve as a reminder that I was lucky enough to be able to carry my baby to term. A mama tiger who has earned her stripes as they say.

The weight thing though is really bothering me and that is a problem I can do something about. Just before getting pregnant I bought two pairs of really expensive jeans (which I never do by the way, I rarely by myself any clothes) and I won't be satisfied until I can wear them comfortably again. I can zip them up now but they're just uncomfortably tight. My normal weight is still a little curvy which I'm totally OK with. I just want to be healthy and have more stamina and strength. And of course fit into my favorite jeans.

I've lost 20 pounds before and I'm sure I can do it again. I just need to crack open a can of willpower and watch what I eat. I started taking the same diet pills I took last time, but I'm only taking a third of the recommended amount until I can actually get out there and start walking. I also drink a slim fast shake every morning which I find delicious. Just like chocolate milk. I swore off sweets last time I dieted and had been off them ever since. Well, until I got around the end of my pregnancy and started feeling like a whale. I caved and allowed myself to indulge. That was a mistake, stopping wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Thankfully I was able to stop though. Being consistent with all this is key and I know I can do it.

Thanks for reading
Chelsie Charmed