My Body Wasn't This Messed Up When I Was Doing Drugs

I just had a baby (l know, I know its been 4 months) and my body is falling apart. Besides the few stretch marks on my belly that decided to only appear once I had my baby boy, I'm losing my hair in chunks (you should see the size of the balls of hair blowing around my place), I've lost both pinky toenails and I'm getting cavity after cavity among other health problems. Oh and did I forget to mention I've only lost 8 pounds since having my baby 4 months ago. I know, I know it's my fault. I went on a cookie binge after having the little one which was promptly followed by a cashew binge. Haaa you see I told you, totally my fault I'm not losing the weight. Once an addict always an addict. Well for me anyways, I have an addictive personality and I have a difficult time with moderation when I love something. Although if I put my mind to it kicking my problem with food isn't as bad as it could be. 

How to Hang On to Recovery

Someone asked me recently how they could hold on to their recovery and stay clean when they feel like giving up and I honestly didn't know how to fully answer them because the answer really depends on each person. What worked for me might not work for them. We are all unique and amazingly complex individuals with different needs, hopes and dreams.

After thinking about it for a couple minutes I finally replied well what do you want more then drugs ? What are your goals and dreams. They couldn't think of an answer right away so I asked him to think back to what made him happy, what pass times he used to love before drugs were part of his life. Keep looking until you find something that motivates you. Something your truly passionate about.

That's what was key for me. My love for reading, writing and drawing are what got me through. Going back to school gave me a goal to work towards and made me feel productive, but I use to love school and learning so that's why it worked for me. I also started taking notice and joy in the little things like spending time with my younger brother, building a snowman, watching the stars, decorating my room, oh and nature, camping, campfire etc.

I believe in recovery we all need to take the time and figure out what makes us tick. We need to rediscover our passions, our dreams and most of all ourselves. Their is so much wonderful things to discover out there, we just need a clear and sober mind to start witnessing it all. So many fun hobbies and pass times that can get us through another day sober. Trust me, before giving up on recovery take the time to discover what motivates you, it will make all the difference when it comes to hanging on to recovery.

Best of luck on your search to new and wonderful things. Recovery Rocks.

Thank you so much for stopping by. Lets stay in touch :)
Subscribe For Email Notification On My Future Posts
Charmed 

If you have any advice on how to not give up on recovery please share in the comments. You never know how many people it might help. Thank you

Charmed

Why Expressive Outlets Are Important in Recovery

I have found that a healthy creative outlet where I can express myself has been a very important part of my recovery. I've noticed that a lot of addiction recovery centers offer art classes and other types of creative outlets to help in the recovery process. They might just be on to something here. A few words by The Addiction Recovery Guide describing (way better then I ever could) why being creative can be helpful in recovery (they also mention lots of other interesting and useful therapies like journaling, animal, music, hypnosis etc., definitely worth checking out :

The creative therapies can be very helpful in the process of recovery from addiction. They offer the opportunity to get in touch with the inner self and with the higher power and can provide a form of expression for feelings that cannot be easily identified or put into words. Through helping the person with an addiction connect with his/her more authentic self, the expressive therapies can help raise self-esteem and provide an opportunity to create new experiences beyond habitual and painful emotional patterns. The creative arts foster a renewed ability to relax without drugs or alcohol.

Ever since I began my recovery I remember wanting to be creative anyway I could. Some of the many things I enjoyed were drawing, coloring, knitting and my two favorites are writing/blogging and making healing trees. I do it because I absolutely love it and would be in heaven if I could actually make a living on it. I know you guys feel me right, its everybody dream to make a living doing something they love, something they are completely and truly passionate about. I am even lucky enough to have something be really helpful to my recovery.

When I get overwhelmed with my life, being creative can help me find peace and a serene state of mind. Its like all this emotional build up and blockage I can sometimes feel gets released. I've noticed this even more lately when I started doing my healing trees again. I had stopped for a while because I was having a hard time selling them and I just had so many made. Thankfully my aunt took them off my hands and put them in her shop and after a while I finally started wanting to make more that I could have with me to try to sell on my own again. In the end selling them isn't what matters, the wonderful feeling I get when making them is enough for me to keep at it (well until I run out of supplies since their not cheap Ill have to wait till I sell some to buy more).

My point here is to find some creative hobby you love to do because its has so many therapeutic benefits specially for someone in recovery. Find time for you and let your imagination free. It really does calm my mind and just puts me in an overall happier mood which makes me more patient and understanding.

If you want to take a look at my healing trees here's the link to my ebay page :) and the link the my healing trees facebook page. 

Charmed

Stressing About Money

Being a student isn't easy, now add to that the stresses about money and it can really take focus away from my schooling. Around the end of the school year is when I tend to run out of my student loans and bills start pilling up, also moving didn't help the money situation. I do work one shift on weekends but that's definitely not enough and working more would impact my performance at school. So I decided to start selling healing trees that I make myself on ebay to help pay bills and not to mention that  doing these trees really helps relieve stress and worry, its good for my recovery and to center myself again. I was really depending on this because I'm way pass the point of running out of money, I have no money and about 1000$ in bills. I know right, total freak out mode here, and finals are just around the corner. So when I finally sold my first tree on eBay for 50$ I was all like YES!! a bit of money coming in. Oh but no, that's not how it went down. When I tried transferring the money from Paypal account to my bank, I did the opposite, so from my bank to my Paypal. Thing is I have no money in my bank, so guess what? That's a 45$ charge on my bank account for it bouncing and as hard as I tried I couldn't cancel the transfer when I realized what had happen. The bank said we can try and put stop payment on it but its going to cost you 15$ and we can't guarantee it wont bounce. GREAT! So your telling me you want 15$ that I don't have and you cant even guarantee I wont get charged another 45$ for a bounced payment. Well NO thank you! So what do I do? I call PayPal and they said no sorry nothing we can do once the authorization is sent. Just Perfect. They end up telling me to transfer the money for the tree to my bank and maybe it will be in my bank in time so it doesn't bounce. So I did, I was desperate but ya you probably guess it, the money didn't make it in time so I was charged 45$. That means the money I made from my tree covered the bounce fee and I'm still broke. So the time spent doing the tree and the cost of supplies was out of my own pocket. At that point I disappointed but determined to do something to sell some of my trees. I decided to post my trees on Facebook and on a buy and sell site but I still haven't had any luck. I'm still hoping my luck turns around and something good happens soon. Wish my luck and if you want to take a look at my healing trees on ebay here's the link: HEALING TREES

Thanks,
Charmed

My Blogs One Year Anniversary

Here are some of the first posts I wrote last year Christmas Posts 2013

It’s my blogs one year anniversary can you believe that? It's funny that until last year I didn't even know what a blog was and had never read any. What introduced me to the blogging world was the movie Julie and Julia, but the one that actually got me to look into it was the movie Textuality. I started this blog last Christmas and I'm extremely happy I've kept it up for a year. To commit to a project that long is a first for me and I'm really proud of myself. I even started two other blogs this year that I ended up deleting because I wanted to focus on this one. The great thing is I'm not tired of it yet and I'm as dedicated as ever.

I know in the past I didn't always proofread my posts and didn't always do a spell check on them because I was so eager to post them. But for the last couple post now I've been proof reading them and running a spell check on them, thanks to some advice from an awesome aunt. I also decided that I'd get some kind of editor when I purchase my new laptop in January (mines about 6 years old lol, I think it’s time to get a new one, plus I'm having a bunch of problems with this one). I figured I'd benefit from more than just a basic spell check since I tend to use some words often and I don't always structure properly. So for this upcoming year my resolution for my blog will be better writing quality, hopefully; and of course another year of commitment posting at least once a week, even if it’s only a quick update.

Charmed

Finally Going Camping

Well I'm leaving tonight at midnight (since I missed the 1 o'clock bus) on the bus to go to my mom’s so we can leave to go camping tomorrow. Thankfully it’s only an hour away, and just over an hour on the bus. I'm super excited. I put a joke up on Facebook about me hitch hiking there and a friend told me there was a tornado warning so to be careful. My response was that I might get there faster if the tornado picked me up ... hehe... But seriously I hope we have good weather while we are camping. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. I really want to go swimming and do some tanning (I'm so white its ridiculous). I haven't gone swimming in who knows how long, but it’s been years. I've been buying 1 swim suit every summer for 3 years thinking i'll be swimming and tanning that summer and now I have 3 swim suits with the tags still on them so I'm bringing them all and making good use of them. I even downloaded some Shakespeare plays on my e-reader to read in the sun while I'm getting my tan on.

I'm finally going to get out of the house and do some socializing. I've been trying to do that more of that lately. I even joined fetlife a couple weeks ago to meet new people and find events in my area. Although I haven't gone to one yet I'm hoping I get too soon. I almost made it to one this month but when I got down town the person I was going with was late and we missed our bus to go to the beach event. So going camping will do me some good and I even got some interviews done which I was worried about getting done before leaving. The people from the 2 interviews I did this week said they would call me next Tuesday or Wednesday to let me know which is perfect since that's about the time I’ll be coming back from camping. And if they don't call I'll probably end up staying longer, but not too long since I need to keep looking for another job. Although I think my chances are pretty good since I got along well with the people who were doing the interview. **Crossing my fingers and praying I get the job** I really need it.

I'm mostly done packing for the camping trip but I'm also bringing a bag of laundry that I’ll need to do when I get to my mom’s at 1:30 am tonight so it’s done for when we leave tomorrow. I need a few things washed for the camping trip and I figured I'd bring the rest of my laundry which has been piling up ever since I heard a rumor that are local wash and dry has been spreading bed bugs. Not to mention that I have such an extreme and irrational fear of bugs that the first couple nights after I heard this I barely slept. I would lay there for several minutes and then turn the lights on and do another complete search of my comforter, sheet, mattress and box-spring. I kept imagining that those things were crawling on me to the point where I thought I felt them. I also did a bunch of research on them and I looked at pictures of them and of how the bites look like. I would even do a full body search every morning to make sure I had no bites anywhere. PARANOID, much!! Well it seems I'm in the clear, no bed bugs for me but I'm definitely not going to that laundry matte ever again. I don't want to go through that ever again, especially when I've just calmed down.

I'm not sure when my next post is going to be since I'll be gone for about a week but I’ll be back I promise :) Now enjoy your weekend everyone and have fun in the sun, I know I will. Also wish me luck or pray I get a call saying I have the job. I really need the money. Thanks.

Charmed

Journal Entries

I started writing more in this daily journal style last week and I enjoyed writing about my current situation because it helped me clear my mind and give me some kind of peace. Some of my posts are more general, or their about my past, like my posts about addiction, recovery, self help methods and personal growth motivation. Although I've already written about stuff in my past I haven't written many posts about my current situation and I want to write these types of daily journal entries at least once a week so I can keep track of my mental and emotional growth. I want to be able to look back one day and see the progress and change I've made in my life.

I'm hoping that my journal entries still help and inspire my readers, and make them feel a little less alone for the moment like some of my other post have in the past (or so I've been told). But just in case I'm going to try to mix things up and not only do journal entry posts. Now if you have any suggestions on things I can write about or even a general question I can answer in a post that would really help since I've been having a difficult time finding new things to write about. I've already written about, The fear of Change, Finding Happiness, Letting Go, Alternative Recovery Programs, etc. so I'm looking for new ideas.

I believe a thanks are in order to Annette @  http://journeyofrecoverysearchforserenity.blogspot.ca/
The idea of doing more daily journal style writings is thanks to Annette, a fellow blogger whose writing style I really enjoy. Her posts talk about her day to day which really drew me in and because I've enjoyed reading about her day I felt more comfortable doing this myself knowing my readers might enjoy it also.

Charmed

Drug Free I Finally Notice the Seasons Changing

I believe this is the first spring that I've actually taken the time to notice every little change that this seasons brings. Its even more noticeable in the north where we had such a severe winter. Everyday I would look at the tree in my yard and wait for the leaves to appear little by little. I remember leaving for a weekend and  when I came back it seemed like the tree had grown double if not triple the leaves. I was in awe of these simple leaves growing anew so beautifully every spring. I would also so watch the grass and the plants grow near my house and it seemed like almost overnight they got really tall despite my watchful eye, their growth surprised me.

Every spring I get this immense joy that anything can happen and that great adventures are in my near future. This spring the sensation of excitement and hope are even more prominent then I can remember. I believe having not seen the sun or any of the summer last year has given me a new found appreciation for the wonderful thing that is mother nature. Last summer I worked night shifts from 9:30 pm to 5:30 am which means I slept during daylight for the whole summer. I haven't done any camping or anything adventurous in at lease 4 summers which has given me this extreme determination to make the most of this summer. I definitely do not want to spend my whole summer inside again. 

I just recently got a part time job for the summer because I wanted all the extra time to make the most of my summer despite not having a lot of money I decide to make my priorities different this summer. I've already made plans to enjoy my first fire this weekend, I'm even getting marshmallows. Were going to make a BBQ and have a fire later in the evening. I've also made plans and booked time off the go camping at the end of July with my Mom. I want to hear the waves on the beach and looked at the stars in the sky and I sincerely hope I get to go camping more than once or at lease once more with my boyfriend this summer. My best friend and I also talked about going for a road trip to an amusement park 4-5 hours away. I know that almost every summer I say I want to do all these things but end up not doing it. No matter this summer will be different and I'm already taking action to make sure of that.

The job I got had me a little worried at first but all seems to be going well for now except for not even getting 10 hours this week. Like I know I wanted part time but, wow, 10 hours is just ridiculous. I wanted between 16 and 20 hours but at lease 15 hours. They seemed pretty up tight and strict at first and I kept hearing the same thing from people who had worked at this corner store. They tend to fire people a lot and they say that they won't ever give the person a reason. They also have a lot of rules about personal appearances that I don't really tend to agree with. For example, no visible piercing and no visible tattoos so I have to take mine out and cover my tattoo before every shift. Also my hair has to stay a natural color and I can’t have two different colors in my hair. But whatever I can deal with all that, a job is a job and money is money.

The one thing that’s really bothering me is that they don’t give breaks unless you work more then 5 hours and funny things is they hardly ever put you down on the schedule for more then 5 hours at a time. Oh but hear this, we always have to be there 15 minutes early and we almost always leave 10-15 minutes late which means technically were working more then 5 hours. Oh and because I'm new I have to do all the shitty work, which I think is just crazy at a corner store. Usually tasks are separated equally among the workers, its like that every where else I've worked in the sales industry. I'd understand if it was a corporate office or something of the like but a corner store, its just weird and kinda unfair in my opinion, and probably why they have such a hard time keeping employees. But that could also have to do with the fact that it’s in the worst part of town near where I live so its supposedly gets robbed a lot. Anyways I think I’m going to keep dropping resumes anyways and see if I can’t get a backup plan in case it don’t work out there. 

Despite the job situation I'm still so excited for this summer. I just know it going to be a good summer. I'm enjoying the beautiful weather and the fresh air. I'm enjoying taking walks despite having hurt my ankle really bad 3 weeks ago. It's getting better but not as much as I would of thought after 3 weeks and I know I should probably stay off it but I can't stay inside with this nice weather and I have to be on my feet the whole time I'm at work. Sometimes the pains wakes me up at night so hopefully it gets better soon. I'm really looking forward to that fire and BBQ this weekend. 

Have a great weekend and a great summer everyone!

Charmed

10 Steps to Market Your Blog

Since starting my blog in December 2012 I've done everything I could think of to get my story and blog out there by watching countless marketing and how to get traffic YouTube videos.Now  I thought its time I share what I've learned along the way to help any fellow blogger get their story out there. Just keep doing the 10 Steps and you'll get more people to your blog. Some of these take time but are really worth it.

1. Check out the most popular blogs like yours to see what your reader are into and get inspired.
2. Write meaningful comments on those blogs with a link to your blog.
3.Respond to all comments on your blog. Interact with your audience. 
4. Submit Articles or Guest Post on other Blogs. 
5. Submit your blog to all search engines. Google, Bing etc. 
6. Submit your Blog to as many blog directories as you can. 
7. Use as many Social Media Networks that you have time to keep updated. 
8. Find your audience on the social media sites. 
9. Share meaningful pictures, quotes, and status. 
10. Use tags anywhere you can so people can find your content.

Charmed

Prioritizing

I've always had a difficult time prioritizing my life even before my addiction but now that I'm better I thinks its time I really try working on it. 

I find time goes by way too fast, no matter what I'm doing and even knowing this I always think I'll have more time. I end up doing what I really want to do instead of what needs to be done. This especially damaging now that I'm in school since I have to make the due dates for essays and exams. I always leave everything to the last minute and so far I've managed it but recently I've realized that if I don't start prioritizing I'm going to fall behind maybe even fail. So I've decided to shape up, starting with doing all the homework daily instead of pushing it all off to the weekend. So far I've done two school projects, I've washed my floors, went through my clothes to give stuff away, I folded them and put them away. This was a bigger task then most can imagine since I have a lot of clothes from years and years of hoarding them. A lot doesn't fit anymore but the ones I'm really attached to I don't give away hoping one day I'll fit in it again. (Not such a good idea) I put my first posters up on my wall (I've been here over a year). I still need to organize my closet and library, and I still have a lot of homework but I'm off to a good start. I hope I can keep it up. There's just so many different things I wish I had the time to do or start doing, like my sketching, my blogging, meditation, start writing poems again, learn more about crystals and spirituality, and of course reading. The list goes on and on, I remember when I use to be so bored all the time and now a days I can't spare a second being bored. The world just has so much to offer. If I didn't have to sleep, I wouldn't,  unless I wanted to get lost in a dream, that's fun too.

Charmed

My Recovery Hobby: Handmade Crystal Healing Trees

~Great Mother & Daughter Project~

My mother taught me how to make these trees years ago when she first got started. I remember when the first one sold and she gave me the money I felt like i had truly accomplished something. I was excited about the money (specially at 13 with no job) but I truly enjoyed making them with my mom. We had found "our thing".

The different semi precious gems that were used to make the trees have different healing properties. They can heal spiritually as well as physically, some of them can help with negativity or insomnia. Its really pretty amazing. I know the one i have has helped with my dreams. At the moment my mom is selling the following trees locally. They make a great Christmas Gift or for any Holiday.

 

 

Ill look into adding what healing properties these trees have.

*~A little About Me & My Blog~*

Before writing anything else I thought a proper introduction was in order.

I believe whole heartily that the experiences in our life makes us who we are. The good, the bad, the amazing, the worst and everything in between. Ill be posting about some of the issues life has to offer and how I approach them (hopefully in a positive way). But not just that, I want to talk about the little things that make our lives worth living, the happy moments we treasure in our hearts forever.

But before all that I need to be clear on some things.

1. I DO NOT claim that my spelling or my structure will be perfect. ( To be honest, it probably sucks ) ...   =P
2. I DO NOT expect for everyone to like my blog ( If you dont, then dont read it, simple)
3. I WILL NOT always make sense, to the contrary I might seem crazy at times.
4. If YOU got nothing good to say then don't say it... move on
5. I'm just human, I have feelings and I'm sensitive.
6. I'm mostly doing this blog for myself and my family.

Ok.. GREAT! So now that I got that out of the way ;) Lets talk a bit about me...

I'm a 23 yeard old college student who's trying something new by blogging. My time is mostly spent on school, family, relationships and trying new things to help me grow as a person. I LOVE SCHOOL.. too the surprise of many... I know right who knew... I always have but their was a time where people had doubts for a while. Who can blame them, so did I. My teen years were by far the craziest but there isn't much I would change. My stupid choices actually brought me and my mom closer together and she is my NUMBER ONE BEST FRIEND. She's is very selfless and her love is the kind that heals. I know me being close to my mom is probably nothing out of the ordinary but my mom is extraordinary. She has done amazing things for me and those things are done by only the extra special kind of mothers.

Oh and Books,  Books was the diversion that helped me move on from some of my worst mistakes. The feeling of getting lost in a book and becoming someone who you could never be in reality. The stories that inspire a change within our hearts. Its one of the greatest feeling life has to offer. My love for books started as soon as I was able to read, I was one of the only kids in my class that looked forward to library time in school. But it seems as everything I knew changed and then as I started my teen years, my love for books was forgotten. Until my very smart and loving mother bought me 3 books for my 18th birthday. It was a strange feeling, I hadn't been around books or been given a book in a very long time. And with the help of my mother I rediscovered books all over again. A moment I look back on and think of where I'd be if she hadn't chose to buy those books for my birthday. Well I definitely wouldn't be here writing this blog, now would I.

That's it for now have a good night everyone.

~Charmed~