Friday, March 01, 2013

My Life After the Addiction

After the addiction here I am, a 23 year old (soon to be 24 on march 12th) university student studying psychology and hoping to one day be able to help people and families dealing with addiction. I haven't been an active addict for 4 years but sadly I don't  remember my exact sober date because I was a little lost and confused at the time. I had tried to quit so many times before I wasn't really paying attention to the date but at lease I know I quit coke in August 2008 and oxys a few months after that. I wish I remembered the exact date because its seems to be such a big deal among recovering addicts but sadly I don't know.I guess knowing the month will have to do.

In these four years I started by getting my high school diploma in the first year and applied to university (I got accepted in the two schools I applied for). The following three years have been spent working towards my bachelors in psychology which I believe was the perfect decision for me. I love psychology. The human mind and behavior fascinate me.

Until just a few years ago I had no plan or goals for the future therefore no way of working towards them. I believe in being independent and not having to rely on anyone but myself. For once I have hope that I can have a different life then my parents did and that my future holds more promise then my past ever did. Despite having this hope I'm also full of worry that once I'm done school I wont find a job in my field. I think about it a lot and it scares me, I don't know what to do.

Now getting to where I am today wasn't that easy and there's a lot more to the story. It was a long process that I took one day at a time and it got a little better everyday. It also got much better when I took the time to reflect all the possibilities life had to offer me like what new hobbies I could get interested in. When I was in the middle of my addiction I had lost interest in everything but drugs so discovering what makes me happy and what I like to do was a great process. It was also very important to my recovery because I needed to find something else to occupy my time besides doing drugs. It started with reading books, the magic of getting lost in a book was a great release for me.

There was also doing school work because I like learning and loved the feeling of accomplishing something, its very satisfying. I also loved writing always have even before I knew how to write, Id make symbols on a line over and over again. I'm really hoping to be an author one day and lately I've been thinking about putting some words down and see if I can't get a book started. I use too write poems a lot and I'd also make raps with them, it was a lot of fun.

I found an online multi-player game that was also a lot of fun because I got to talk to other people with out putting myself out there too much. Again like most games it was goal oriented and I got that gratifying feeling of accomplishing something. Another great pass time was watching T.V. series they made me feel less alone because over the course of a season, unlike a movie, I got the time to get to know the characters and grow close to them. I actually felt part of their world and I learned lessons from their struggles and the way the interacted with one another.

There's also this blog that I started a little over 2 months ago which has been a source of great relief and happiness because I get to write and at the same time let go of my pass. I've been a little busy pass  2-3 weeks and I haven't been writing on my blog as much as I like too. I found myself running out of ideas because I don't want to repeat myself too much. So I've decided to not just write about my pass like I've been doing but writing about my day to day stuff, that way I can keep writing even if I've said all I wanted to say about my past for that moment.

If I cant think of anything to write I usually go on the FACEBOOK PAGE for this blog and post images of quotes or ask my followers questions which I really enjoy because I get to read their comments. Finally I started drawing about two months ago around the same time I started this blog and I found that although it takes a lot of time and effort its very rewarding and is a great way to keep my mind busy. Here's my latest drawing that I did on the 2nd of March. It was my favorite show as a kid and honestly a show I still enjoy watching.

Sailor Moon: 02/03/13 

There still a lot of different things I want to try and do. On the top of my list is traveling and if I had the money I'd be doing as much of it as possible. Coming back from spring break this year I heard a lot of students talking about how they went to all these different places like Italy, Santa maria, Cuba and lots more because in most cases their parents paid. Hearing about it makes me want to go all the more and although my parents never had money to send me anywhere it didn't stop me from always dreaming of all the new places I could visit. I want to see the history in the world, explore a temple or walk among the ruins of an ancient village, see nature in all its different forms. Its something I absolutely have to do. A few other things I would love to try is yoga, kick boxing or martial arts, rock climbing, learn meditation and explore spirituality, taking dance, drawing, painting, sculpture and guitar lessons. The possibilities are endless but most of these things require money which I'm lacking, being a student and living off loans. But one day, one day for sure I'll get to do these wonderful things. I'm just proud and happy with what I've been able to do so far and looking forward to all the possibilities my future holds. I finally realize just how much I have to live for.