I found a few of my old journals and started reading it out of curiosity. I really shouldn't of read it, its really amazing how the brain blocs out painful memories. I don't want to use the word abuse and neglect but deep down I know it to be true. She is really was not in any mental state to be around kids, she was vindictive, selfish and an addict which makes for very bad parenting skills. I believe that woman really traumatized me and my dad would leave me with her every week all week while he was gone trucking. Some of the things she said and did to me I cant even bring myself to talk about them. How can any person leave a 13 year old child stranded at night with no way home on purpose, and twice at that. The first time is mentioned in my post The Evil Step Mother. I had forgotten about the second time until I read the journal entry.
I started by writing about how I had called the movie theater to find out at what time our (me and my step sister) movie played and how long it was. The automated service told me the time in minutes so when I was calculating how long it be I made the mistake of thinking 100 minutes equaled out to 1 hour. Anyways what happened was that my step mother being drunk came to pick us up and we weren't out of the theater yet she left because I had told her it finished at 11:05 pm. We missed her by 10 minutes, she came at 11:15 and we got out at 11:25. Too scared to get caught drunk or whatever her reason was she didn't bother going inside and asking at what time our movie finished. After the movie we waited a few minutes before calling to know if she was on her way but she started yelling at me, calling me names, saying I was lying over and over, called me a little bullshitter, and a liar. She didn't even let me explain that and apologize for getting the time wrong. She just kept yelling and calling me names so I hung up figured once she would cool down a bit she'd come and get us. By midnight she wasn't there yet so I tried to call her again but having no money I had to do a collect call. She didn't accept it and I know she picked up because I could hear the operator asking if she wanted to accept the call and she said NO. (and my father pays the phone bill)
I was 13 in a big city stuck outside after the movies closed and its after midnight where any number of bad things could of happened to us, two young girls alone in a deserted parking lot during the weekend. Which is very hypocritical of her since in my post No Rules Until Dad Gets Mad I explain how she kept worrying my dad with all the bad things that could of happened to me when I didn't come home one night. She kept repeating herself until my dad lost it, he was so far gone when I got home things got ugly. Such a hypocrite she was ready to leave us there all night. Why make a big deal of the dangers that can happen to us one day and leave us out in the cold the next. She didn't even have the decency to wake up my father who was home in bed because he had to work early to tell him she planned on leaving me outside all night and that I was stuck at the movies instead she just kept sitting at the kitchen table and drinking alone. I really really wonder how people can do such mean down right cruel things, to children none the less. Again I believe just like in part 1 of The Evil Step Mother she left me stranded because she was mad at my Dad. I know my dad would of came and got us no problem he wasn't drunk but again like the first time she didn't feel it necessary to let the father of the child know that his child was stranded when she was the one who was suppose to pick his child up. You would think my dad would leave the bitch by now but Noooo. I guess the safety of his child wasn't as important as that crazy ................... <--- Fill it in with the meanest word you can think of.
The only other person that we could actually call was my step sister grandmother, my step mother's mother. So we tried to call over and over again but my Step mother had called there first and told her daughter that lived there to put the phone off the hook so the grandmother wouldn't be disturbed. Its bad enough she wasn't picking us up but she had to make sure we didn't get any help, she honestly planned out making us sleep outside. Those were her exact words when one of her drinking (drug) buddy called her and asked if she was going to come pick us up. Well passed 1 in the morning her friend, feeling bad for us, came to picked us up with her husband and give us a ride home. She had to stop at her sisters first so we didn't get home until close to 2 am and by that time my step mother was extremely drunk which meant volatile and violent. When I walked in she started screaming inches from my face that I was a fucking liar and she knew I never went to the movies when the whole time all I wanted to do is show her my movie ticket to prove to her that I really went. She kept screaming literally inches from my face that it was all my fault until she finally shoved me hard. I think that's when my dad showed up because he had gotten woken up and told me to go to my room. I knew she needed to calm down so I went to my room while my dad talked to her but she kept screaming she wanted me and my step sister in different rooms.
I didn't see her for the rest of the night so I'm not sure how everything went once I got to my room. My dad came and talk to me not long after I was in there and asked me what was going on so I told him and showed him the ticket. My dad believed me right away and he said he was sorry for the way she was acting towards me. I think he even called her crazy and some other stuff. I never felt at home since my dad moved in with her so after all that I didn't want to be left alone there with her. I asked my dad to leave with him when he left for work and he said sure. I was going to go trucking with him like I had before but when he woke me up as he leaving he asked me if I could stay because I had school and whatever other excuses he had. He said that she had calmed down.... like that really makes everything oki. I even think he talked about moving out together which gave me hope but as usual it just lead to disappointment. Despite this and so many other occasions where my step mother was terrible I know I should forgive her, not for her but for me. And sometimes when I believe I had, I remember just how bad she treated not just me, but my dad also, and that's when I feel like I haven't really forgave her. I'm not sure Ill ever be able to but I've gotten really good at not thinking about it.
Thanks for listening.