Are You a Pill Popper? How Many Pills Do You Take?

Our culture has instilled in most of us a need to take pills for anything and everything. Things like preventative cold medicine, vitamins, pain relievers, psychotropic drugs and everything in between have become the way of life. There’s a pill for everything. Most of us probably don’t even pay attention to the amount of pills we take in a month, or even in a week. 

Do you take vitamins or preventive cold and flu pills? Do you take something when you get a headache? How many prescriptions do you fill in a year? Do you know the side effects of all the pills you’re taking or which ones have been recalled? Probably not, right? Well don’t feel bad neither did I. It’s just how things are. We take pills not only when we don’t feel well but we even take them to prevent feeling unwell.

Why Doesn't He Want to Have Sex With Me? Methadone & Low Testosterone

This might be an embarrassing topic to talk about since low testosterone causes a low sex drive (among other things like fatigue and lack of motivation), but I believe its important for us to talk about because its a real problem facing many men and couples on methadone. Sadly too many people stay quiet about this issue because of the stigma attached to it. Like a low sex drive not being manly or it taking away from their manhood, and for women they might feel inadequate or like its their fault somehow that their partner doesn't want to have sex with them. I should know, I've been dealing with this myself.

I'm hoping by writing about my struggles here it will let people know their not alone and theirs no shame in getting tested for LowT if they feel like they are having the same issues. Well my hubby never wants to have sex with me and its really been hurting my feelings. Although I've been reassured this isn't the case it makes me feel like I'm not attractive to him or that he doesn't want me because he doesn't love me. I've known methadone to lower people sex drive and I believe him when he says he's just tired and not in the mood but that doesn't remove the pain of rejection completely and it doesn't fix the problem. On the rare times we do have sex I feel like I have to bug him for it which is so not a turn on for me and it's all really affecting our sex life and with that our relationship. Intimacy is important for me to feel connected to him.

I knew from past experience that methadone, especially a high dose of methadone, can cause a low sex drive but I never thought anything could be done about it besides him getting off methadone and risking his sobriety. But thanks to a recent study done on low testosterone and methadone we have realized that his none existent sex drive and constant fatigue might be due to low testosterone which is usually treatable. We are happy that finally something can be done about it that doesn't involve him risking his sobriety by getting off methadone but he still needs to ask his doctor on his next appointment about getting tested for it. We wont know for sure if something can be done about it until then but I'm hopeful we have discovered what the problem is and that it can be treated.

Are you having similar issues? Have you ever had similar issues? Please let me know in the comments below and give courage to those who need it. If we talk about it we can give people the courage to get tested and treated which can improve many aspects of their lives. Cheers to being happy and healthy :)

The link to the Study:

http://fhs.mcmaster.ca/main/news/news_2014/opioid_addiction_treatment_study.html

Thank you so much for stopping by. Lets stay in touch :)
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PS. Check out the Crystal Healing Trees I make myself. They are super pretty and I find they can be very soothing and healing.

Charmed

Guest Post : The Best & The Worst of Methadone

Written by: Chixx & Stixx from The Methadone Maze

The debate continues on about whether or not methadone is a good tool in recovery or if it is just a hindrance. we will share with you the pros and cons of methadone from our perspective as a couple who are currently on methadone in Ontario, Canada.

As opiate addicts looking for a way out of the lifestyle after 18 years of heavy drug abuse for myself and 24 years for stixx, and having tried other ways to succeed, methadone made sense to us. There are many people who have had both positive and negative experiences, as people would with any other treatment form. There is no wrong way in recovery, it either works for you or it doesn't. I believe people are entitled to their views, but pushing the form of treatment that worked for them on others is not right. If abstinence programs worked for everyone, there wouldn't be such a problem.If it worked for you great, but if it doesn't work for your friend, don't be negative, we are all in some form of recovery that's all that matters.

When I first began MMT I didn't really know what methadone was other than an orange drink that took away your sickness. I was so naive, I had only known two people in the past who were on methadone but it wasn't something that I had really spoke about with them nor considered for myself at the time. I remember one girl passing out at the cash register in a hardware store while looking for money in her purse, the cashier looked at me and I at her. so I thought that was what it did, to each their own I thought! I didn't realize that it would really help save my life a few years later. 

Stixx knew what it was but he wasn't interested in it at all, as it was juice and something you drank, not interesting to a person using needles! He had started MMT a few months before me, at this point I didn't know him. We started seeing each other a year into our recovery and have been going strong since. Our heads are in the same place regarding recovery, so it works!

The stigma attached to methadone is unbelievable, if used as a bridge for those with severe addictions, mental health issues, disease, years of drug abuse and having tried many different ways to be rid of the lifestyle addiction places you in, it can work.

 We have seen many people in the clinic who have only been addicted to opiates for a short time and have never tried other options at kicking the habit, addiction hasn't even yet ruined their life and these people should really consider other treatment forms first! Some they are their soley to get it as a crutch between their next high, it is difficult for doctors to screen people and sort out who has or hasn't a severe addiction, people lie as they do at any doctors office just to get what they want. 

You must have a strong desire to succeed in treatment and methadone should be used in conjunction with some form of counselling/therapy to help you identify underlying issues that could cause you to slide back into addiction.

Methadone is the choice of those seeking treatment, as it is with someone going to an in-patient facility or choosing to go cold turkey, nothing is pushed on them, if they feel that's the treatment for them then that is their choice. Anyone who is looking into treatment should thoroughly research their options, that being said here are the pro's and con's of methadone maintenance treatment:

Pros:

• Allows you to focus on cleaning up your life right now, such as getting off the streets, getting to work, getting/keeping your kids, etc
• Allows you to begin living without worry of withdrawals until you feel as though you are strong enough to begin a taper, you are not rushed to taper.
• You can break the habits that come with addiction.
• Improves your health and well-being all around
• Lowers criminal activity associated with feeding your habit.
• Many times addictions and mental health issues go hand in hand, methadone allows you to focus on those issues before having to deal with the physical withdrawals of addiction. Without doing that your chances of relapsing and possibly falling deeper into despair are much higher.
• Methadone has been used for 45 years, effectively and there are many studies that show this.
• Don't have to wake up to that sick feeling everyday
• Don't have to go hunting for pills every day, finding money, finding a place to do the drugs, etc. (Wheeling and dealing!)
• Allows you to find a stable dose, unlike being on fentanyl, morphine, etc., where you need to continually increase dose to feel same effect
• You drink methadone once a day, rather than using needles which could possibly be contaminated, thus contracting diseases such as Hep 'C', HIV, Etc. You no longer have to worry about dangerous infections from abscesses.
• Methadone is much more preferable than trying to quit, relapsing, trying to quit and so on. Each time this happens your chances of overdosing are high. On methadone you no longer have to worry about that and come off slowly while leading a normal life.
• Methadone stabilizes the brain chemistry that has been destroyed during drug abuse.
• Methadone eases the worry of not knowing exactly what is in the drugs you are buying, as methadone is dispensed from a certified pharmacy.
• You do not get high and are able to function normally without looking like a drug addict.
• You can hold down a job, own a home and raise a family, which was impossible for some to do while in the depth of addiction.
• Allows you to stay in treatment longer and receive proper care.
• The cost is much cheaper than what your addiction may have cost you
• Methadone does not cause a euphoric rush
• Methadone is a great harm reduction tool

Cons:

• The stigma that surrounds methadone is sometimes a barrier to receiving treatment.
• Side effects such as sweating, weight gain, libido loss, etc (Some side effects will not occur if your dose is fairly low, higher doses increase chance of some of these side effects, but not in all cases)
• Some of these side effects can really affect your relationship and cause extra problems you don't need while in recovery
• Overdose can happen if you take other pills in combination with methadone, or take more than you are prescribed. This happens usually in the beginning of treatment when you still haven't reached a stable dose to keep you drug free (We continued using until we reached that level, but overdose was possible each time we took pills and due to the "Blocking effect" (antagonist) methadone has. You take more pills until you feel them. This is dangerous!
• The possibility of losing employment if screened for drugs, as some people consider methadone to be illegal and illicit. There is much stigma in being employed as a methadone patient
• You are forever going to the clinic until you can receive carries or take-homes
• You have to make arrangements to go out of town. So you are kind of limited as to where and what you can do I.e camping, job related travel, Etc. If you do not have carries and have to dose daily, you are unable to go, unless your clinic/pharmacy is lenient and allows you to carry a day or two.
• Transportation costs/finding ways to get your dose for some people living in rural areas or if your town does not allow methadone clinics/pharmacies.
• Having to plan your life around the methadone clinic.

Despite the drawbacks of methadone, it is better than the lifestyle of addiction and the pros far outweigh the cons. Again, always research a treatment option rather than jumping straight into it. We have written an article on our blog,themethadonemaze.blogspot.ca, called "Who should or shouldn't take methadone" and it can be helpful in seeing if methadone is a choice for you. We hope this has been helpful and we hope it helps at least one person take a positive step in the right direction.

Published on ezine here acceptadapt.com

The Shock of My Mother Suicide Attempt

Wow! What a heavy subject for me to talk about. I've been trying to avoid this topic for many reasons, but I think it's finally time I acknowledge it, understand how it affected me and let it go. The summer after 9th grade I was enrolled in summer school because I had stopped going to school about half way through my second semester. But after the first day I really didn't want to go to summer school anymore.

On that first day I found out my teacher was a previous junior high teacher that I really didn't get along with. He was always singling me out in religion class because I smoked cigarettes and when I wanted to join the basketball team that he coached he didn't let me pass the try outs because I smoked. He didn't try to help in anyway but made things worst, now that's not a good teacher.

Anyways so the second day I didn't want to go at all but my Mom really wanted me too. So we fought most of the morning until she finally dropped me off at school. We fought often in the morning since we weren't really morning people although she would probably like to think so I left school on my first break to go back home because the teacher was being stupid again trying to make fun of me.

I was almost there when my moms boyfriend passed by me and asked me to get in (that was unusual). I cant really remember what he said to me in car but he must of told me what was going on because when we go to the hospital I jumped out of the car and ran inside looking for my mom. They wouldn't tell me where she was, I felt like no one was telling me anything or maybe I wasn't listening. I was just trying to find my mom.

As soon as the nurse came out of the locked door to the emergency rooms, I ran in. I spotted my mom in the second room, they didn't even have the door shut so I saw her having a seizure, convulsing, eyes rolling in the back of her head, drooling, whoever that was, that definitely wasn't the mom I remembered. I was in utter shock, I was terrified, my mind kinda went blank like I was losing myself, its like my mind locked down and said nooooooo, NO you shouldn't be seeing this.

I turned around to run out but my aunt who had found her stopped me and said see what you did to your mom, this is your fault. WHAT!!?? I didn't even let her respond I ran and ran until I found a phone and called the person I was closest to at the time (the person I still wish I was close too) and asked him to come meet me. Then I only remember running and running and running. That blame stuck with me for a long time, it made me pissed at everyone, all of the time but especially at my aunt and my mom for blaming me.

How ever bad I was before I'd be even worst now, Id give them a reason to blame me. That's when I really stopped caring about what happened to me. Anything I got my hands on I'd do to get high and I was just so very angry. I fought, I yelled, I threw things around or at people. I stopped listening to anyone. I was for a lack of a better word F-ING Pissed. But also at myself for not being a better daughter.

Charmed

Methadone: Love Hate Relationship

I often wonder if I did the right thing getting on methadone, or if I just took the easy way out. At the time it wasn't even a decision. It kinda just happened. Well not that easy of course but in my mind there wasn't any other possibility. It was either keep doing what I was doing, to keep the withdrawals away. I didn't know any other way. I even tried doing a bit less oxys everyday and gradually stop that way, but it didn't work at all. Everything just seemed so futile and hopeless. The more I fucked up in my life by doing stupid things to feed my addiction, the more I wanted to get fucked up to forget about it. Vicious circle. (Forgiving myself was an essential part of my recovery but that only happened after Id been on methadone for a while.)

So I finally got to see a methadone doctor after months of waiting. It wasn't easy getting an appointment since the doctor was out of town. I had to travel there twice a week for the first couple months and finding a ride wasn't easy. On top of that I had to go to pharmacy everyday, freezing wind, pouring rain, cold snow, extreme heat with no car or city buses, I had to find a ride or walk there and back. That doesn't include holidays when their hours were short and I didn't make it in time or when I had to leave work or school or where ever to go to the pharmacy. The doctor even screwed up sometimes, or sent my prescription out of town on the wrong day, and I didn't get my medication. Those days Id be in incredible pain. I wish someone would of told me what I was getting into. How hard it was going to be to quit methadone or to go with out it for even just a day. Even now when I only need to go to pharmacy once a week I still feel trapped. Like I cant go anywhere for more than a week. I've thought of getting away from everything, go work far away for a summer, get to see new places, out of country even, but then I realise how difficult that would be if I'm still on methadone. I've been slowly lowering my methadone hoping to be able to do something adventurous this summer. Hoping is the key word here because I've tried going down before, more then once. What always seems to happen is I go down to fast then my body starts hurting, I cant sleep and I'm always tired. So I give up and return to the same amount of methadone as before. In short I don't function well.

Now I'm going down slowly and its been going oki but there were moments were I didn't feel good and I really thought about going up again. Thankfully, I was able to hold out and not go up again. Instead Id stay at that amount for a while to get use to it. I know if it weren't for methadone I wouldn't even have the state of mind to dream about travelling or to go to school or to even have a life in general so I'm really grateful  I cant expect it to be easy or to magically get fixed, good things require effort and determination. I have to take the good with the bad and hope that I'm strong enough to get off it eventually. Its ironic how the one thing that freed me is also keeping me trapped, but honestly it could be worst at lease now my minds my own. The lesser evil, as they say.

Charmed

PS: If you want to know more about how its like being on Methadone theirs this great Blog Called Methadone Maze, Go Check it out :)

What Never Fails

I would like to start by apologizing for not posting as much these pass few days. I usually post everyday but that might not always be possible once I start school next week so Ill try and post at lease every second day if not everyday. Since I've caught a cold and my minds a lil fuzzy at the moment I might be posting only every second day, depending on how I feel. Here's an update for now until I get my mind to co-operate. Hope you enjoy, I know we all get sick so we can all relate.

Now that's said, here's what I wanted to share. It never fails, every winter I get sick at lease once. Most years I get unlucky enough to get sick during the holidays but at lease this year I was lucky enough not to get sick during Christmas. I would rather be sick close to New Years then close to Christmas. I want to be in good spirits to visit family during Christmas. Also since I don't like drinking that much so I don't usually do much for New Years. Although I like to stay up and do the count down and listen to music at home. Still i rather of gotten sick now so I can get better before school starts on January 7th. I enjoy school too much to miss the first day of a new semester and my new classes. Psychology woooo hoooo!

My cold consist of a soar throat, a stuffed nose, a dull ear ache, an occasional headache, and soar heavy muscles. I've been taking ibuprofen  Tylenol cold and flu, and some cold fx which have been helping a great deal so far. I also have some gingerale and some chicken noodle soup, all thanks to my hubby. I cant believe how expensive it was for the medication and stuff. I already had gravol in my purse but I haven't needed it. I always carry gravol with me every where because I get car sick really fast especially on bouncy city buses going to school.

What Ill probably end up doing for New Years is cuddle up beside my hubby on the couch (or in bed) with some hot chocolate (sounds good especially since I'm sick), and either watch some movies or play some need for speed on the Xbox 360 kinect I got him for his birthday and Christmas combined (his bday on the 8th) or, my favorite idea, Ill get lost in a book on my new E-reader.
Hope you all have a Happy New Year!
To New Beginnings.
Charmed

Recovering Doesnt Mean Forgetting

If only forgetting was easy.
For most of us being able to move on doesn't mean forgetting. Their are some things we need to remember so that we may grow and learn from our mistakes. Unfortunately some memories don't have any purpose besides making us feel bad about ourselves. These memories have a tendency to creep up on us when we less expect it. Most of the time it happens to me when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep. I start to toss and turn, remembering the awful things i did or awful things that were done to me. I replay it in my head over and over thinking of what could of been done differently. These are toxic memories and we all need to find ways to get rid of them and think positive.

What I've learned during my recovery is that when these thoughts happen I have to remember all the things I've accomplished since being sober. This definitely became easier the longer I was sober because I had more things to be proud of as time went on. As soon as I  was on the methadone program and had my withdrawals under control I started working towards my high school diploma. I did it by correspondence so I could stay at home and get better but still do something I could be proud of and gave me hope for the future. I believe the only way i was able to get sober without any therapy, rehab or detox was due to the methadone program. Nothing else work for me before then because my withdrawals would take over any determination I had to stop.

It took me a lil over a year to get completely clean after starting methadone. The program only fixed part of the problem. I had to fix my way of thinking on my own and no amount of medication would do that for me. Although I agree therapy would of helped once the withdrawals were gone. I'm not exactly sure why I never committed to weekly therapy but it might have to do with how terrible I am at keeping appointments. What did help in its place was reading books which did a great deal to take my mind off negative things. Also keeping a journal and having my mom to talk too made a huge difference. I really felt like she understood me and I hardly ever felt judged. What was most surprising of all, to me, was my decision to turn to God. I had never been one to go to church or even think of him but in my time of need he was a great support. His words were comforting.

Charmed