Poem: Nowhere Left to Turn

I didn't get to post my usual weekly post last week because I've been dealing with some stuff. I can't write when my mind won't cooperate. So since I still haven't gotten around to finishing a post I thought I'd share a poem that I've been working on. This is the rough draft, the poem obviously needs some work but it does explain a little bit about what I've been dealing with. 

Recovery of the Mind and Soul

When life gets busy and I can barely find time to breath, I tend to forget to keep working on me. I've been working on being happier and at peace by changing my perspective, but it takes constant effort to let go of pride, ego, worry and anxiety. I need to remind myself that I'm in control of my thoughts and I can choose to let them go because they're not who I am.

It's the superficial ego that gets caught up in the daily struggles. I'll feel like I'm drowning and instead of getting stuff done I'll shut down and sleep it off or go into this zombie mode. I can't be the only one who's dealt with this.

The Power of Choice in Overcoming Addiction

The Power of Choice in Overcoming Addiction
By: Emma Wilson

We make a lot of choices.

Eat broccoli or cake with your sandwich? Major in exercise science or accounting? 

Call your sister or sleep in? 

These are just a small sampling of the things we decide throughout the

day. Choices are a huge part of life. Some decisions are neither good nor bad, while others

can influence us greatly both in the immediate future and long term.

Those who struggle with addiction may feel they have lost the ability to make choices because of past mistakes. But this is not true! When it comes to addiction, one of the most important choices we can make is to heal and move forward, choosing sobriety and discipline over drugs. It may be difficult—but choices we CAN make while recovering ultimately help us to overcome addiction.

Drugs Limit Power

Dependence on drugs often limits the choices addicts have; they may be dependant on their

daily dose—or doses—to function normally. This dependence often leads to a cycle of poor

decision-making, leaving the addicted person unable to choose another route, even when he

or she so desires. Sometimes, drugs become so paramount that the individual no longer has

a choice in many of life’s important decisions.

By seeking treatment and help from friends, however, those who have lost some of their

power of choice to drugs can regain some of those decision-making powers. Sometimes

this seems like options are limited, but only in the short-run.

In fact, their decisions are making a big difference: because when seeking help they are

choosing the greater good: the often-difficult road to recovery. In essence, they are

choosing to once again lead a happy life with their family and friends, free from substance

dependence.

Take Control

Here are some choices you CAN make when struggling with addiction:

Choose to include others. Make the choice to enlist the help of others. This can include a

spouse, parents, children, and close friends who are not currently struggling with addiction;

a qualified health professional; and a support group. As explained here, in getting professional help you can choose health over insanity. After getting help, seek out others who are committed to living clean and sober and establish a network to help you continue making good choices.

Choose optimism. “Attitude determines altitude,” they say. Choosing a positive attitude can

be one of the greatest factors in determining happiness during recovery—not to mention

that choosing to stay positive will help you develop self-mastery over your feelings.

Choose healthy eating. Addiction takes a great physical and mental toll on the human body, but changing other habits—especially nutrition—can make a huge difference. Try to find fresh or home-prepared meals; choose fresh vegetables, fruits, meats, and grains rather than bags of potato chips and candy bars. It only makes sense that our bodies crave nutrients. The positive result: developing a habit of better eating may help ease cravings and withdrawals, and offer the added benefits of more energy and overall better health.

Choose to exercise. Exercise brings a myriad of health benefits, including a natural “high,”

that will almost assuredly improve your personal road to freedom from addiction. Bonus:

the endorphins released through physical activity can help mitigate depression! The key is

to find activities you actually like to add into your life. It doesn’t matter whether you choose

softball, kickboxing, mountain biking, or yoga—the health benefits from these choices will

help you achieve your dreams.

For the Support Group

Supportive family and friends are a key resource every addict needs as he or she

recovers.

• Show your love through frequent visits and/or contacts, as appropriate. There

is a different between “enabling” a behavior and showing forth love. If you have

questions on how to do this, consult a qualified health professional.

• Respect the autonomy of your loved one as well as their former independence.

Try to let them make as many choices as they have at their disposal, including diet,

activities—even when you may personally disagree. Show particular support as

they make good choices.

• Encourage your loved one to stay in therapy. Help from trained professionals can be

one of their greatest tools to a full recovery from whatever they are battling, and it

gives them an added support team.

• Express optimism in their chance for full recovery—even if they relapse on

occasion. Your optimism can help fuel theirs and lead to positive changes.

• Help your loved one distance himself or herself from anyone who pressures them to

return to their habit. Help them replace those people with people who have successfully fought addiction or others they connect with who are a positive influence.

• Be a strong example of living a clean, sober, healthy, and happy life.

Whether in rehabilitation or living independently, the choices we make determine our

success and happiness in life.

What decisions are you making toward a healthier life today?

I hope you enjoyed this guest post.
Thank you so much for stopping by. Lets stay in touch :)
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Charmed

Thanksgiving is What You Make It, The Power of Positive Thinking

As we celebrate Thanksgiving this weekend in Canada I want to take this time to remind everyone to think about all the things there thankful for in their life. I know its not easy when everything seems to be a struggle and frustrating things keep happening but focusing on the good will bring more good into your life. I know this because I use to be a very angry and unhappy person. I was constantly disappointed by the people in my life, expecting too much of them and placing my happiness in their hands. I would focus on the things that weren't going right and the things I wasn't getting instead of focusing on the good I had. I was essentially giving away my power to be happy and I needed to take it back if I was every going to be happy. This is something I really had to do not just for me but for my baby. I didn't want my child to grow up around someone who was always miserable and in turn become unhappy themselves.

In the past few months I've been trying really hard to spend more time practicing gratitude and positive thinking instead of focusing on the negative. At first, I spent a lot of time reprimanding myself and redirecting my thoughts when I noticed myself getting negative, but noticing negative thoughts wasn't always easy since it had become such a part of my life. It took sometime for it to become a daily thing but I really have noticed a difference in the amount of time I spend being happy instead of angry and frustrated. I still have to work at redirecting my thoughts when I get angry, and some times are harder than others, especially when life gets difficult and problems pile up, but it has become easier and I find I don't have to reprimand myself as much as I use to. This transformation of perspective really wasn't an easy journey for me and I still have a ways to go but it's all extremely worth  it.

I might have no energy, a to do list that keeps piling up, small apartment that really needs a good cleaning, a car that needs quite a bit of work and no money, but at least I have an apartment, a car and a family that loves me. I have some food, I'm working towards my education, and I have a wonderful baby boy on the way with a sweet, loving, although stubborn, man that I love very much. Im also lucky to have great people around me willing to help me get everything I need for the baby, and a lot of great hobbies that make me happy. Its a lot to be thankful for and although I often get wrapped up in the stress of not having any money or not getting as much help around the house as I would like, I still find a way to remember what I do have. Its all about perspective, the more I work at seeing the positive the happier I am.This thanksgiving I'm going over to my grandmas with my mom and hubby. We don't need a big supper or lots of people around to be happy and grateful, just spending sometime with the ones that mean the most to us with some food in our tummies is more then enough to stay be thankful for.

Thank you so much for stopping by. Lets stay in touch :)
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Charmed

Addiction Recovery Reflections

Bearing it all out there, flaws and all for everyone to see, as my first step to changing and growing and this started all because of that one special person in my life that I want to make feel love and worth it beyond what mere words can express. You make me want to be a better person.

One Must Know In Order to Grow,

In Order to Grow One Must Know.

I've known for a while now that I have a couple major flaws that affect many areas of my life but most of all my close relationships. I'm very stubborn, I have a hard time taking blame or responsibility and I assume things which end up hurting me. I know this is brought on by deep emotional insecurities of not being good enough. I assume that people think the worst because that's how I see myself and I can't take blame because that will somehow make me less. I've been trying to change the way I see myself and value myself more so that I might be able to be confident enough to take responsibility and not to assume the worst. This really trying to change only came about recently when I fell in love with someone just as stubborn as me. This makes arguments very, very intense but so is our love for each other and that's the reason why I want to change instead of giving up. In the past I've been in relationships with men who eventually learnt to let me win arguments so I've never had reason to change. It’s extremely hard for me to own up to something especially when I feel like the other person played their part in it also. Part of this is because of my trust issues and feel like if I give in that maybe I'm being manipulated. I feel like they’re the reason I felt and acted that way and that's what makes it difficult for me to own up to it. I know that way of thinking is part of the problem and instead of thinking that way I need to start accepting the fact that although their actions caused me to feel a certain way it wasn't their intention to make me feel that way. I need to accept that fact and own up to over reacting or taking it the wrong way. But what would be even better would be to prevent the whole situation by simply not assuming or jumping to conclusions. I need to ask questions and get clarification in a calm manner and maybe avoid the argument in the first place. I know that this is the quick fix and still doesn't address the cause of the issue in the first place which would be my insecurity that I'm not good enough. This is a slow process for me and won’t be done overnight because this insecurity is rooted deep in me and I'm hypersensitive to the words and actions of the ones I care about. I need to find a way to get to the root cause of all this and decide what to do to change it. In order to grow one must first know.

Sincerely Charmed

Stressing About Money

Being a student isn't easy, now add to that the stresses about money and it can really take focus away from my schooling. Around the end of the school year is when I tend to run out of my student loans and bills start pilling up, also moving didn't help the money situation. I do work one shift on weekends but that's definitely not enough and working more would impact my performance at school. So I decided to start selling healing trees that I make myself on ebay to help pay bills and not to mention that  doing these trees really helps relieve stress and worry, its good for my recovery and to center myself again. I was really depending on this because I'm way pass the point of running out of money, I have no money and about 1000$ in bills. I know right, total freak out mode here, and finals are just around the corner. So when I finally sold my first tree on eBay for 50$ I was all like YES!! a bit of money coming in. Oh but no, that's not how it went down. When I tried transferring the money from Paypal account to my bank, I did the opposite, so from my bank to my Paypal. Thing is I have no money in my bank, so guess what? That's a 45$ charge on my bank account for it bouncing and as hard as I tried I couldn't cancel the transfer when I realized what had happen. The bank said we can try and put stop payment on it but its going to cost you 15$ and we can't guarantee it wont bounce. GREAT! So your telling me you want 15$ that I don't have and you cant even guarantee I wont get charged another 45$ for a bounced payment. Well NO thank you! So what do I do? I call PayPal and they said no sorry nothing we can do once the authorization is sent. Just Perfect. They end up telling me to transfer the money for the tree to my bank and maybe it will be in my bank in time so it doesn't bounce. So I did, I was desperate but ya you probably guess it, the money didn't make it in time so I was charged 45$. That means the money I made from my tree covered the bounce fee and I'm still broke. So the time spent doing the tree and the cost of supplies was out of my own pocket. At that point I disappointed but determined to do something to sell some of my trees. I decided to post my trees on Facebook and on a buy and sell site but I still haven't had any luck. I'm still hoping my luck turns around and something good happens soon. Wish my luck and if you want to take a look at my healing trees on ebay here's the link: HEALING TREES

Thanks,
Charmed

Is It Rape ??

This has to be one of the hardest things I've ever written about. I don't even talk about this to the people closest to me but I’m letting it be known so that others girls might not feel as alone. Too many women that are raped under the age of 18 feel that's it’s their fault so they never report it. According to Wikipedia, a research that was done in 65 countries shows police reporting more then 250 000 cases of rape or attempted rape annually. Astounding number isn't it?  What’s even more astounding is most rapes aren't even reported. Doubt in ourselves is so damaging especially when it comes to rape. I should know I still doubt myself to this very day, believing I should of done more to stop it, or I asked for it, or I put myself in that situation so it’s my fault. Sadly we were raised to believe this because that's exactly what society wants us to believe. But even knowing all this a part of me still holds on to that doubt, although less than before.

At 14 years old I went to a New Years Eve party with my best friend and her much older boyfriend who drove us to the party at his best friend’s house out of town. It wasn't really a party though, only 5 people including me, my best friend, her boyfriend, his best friend and his best friends’ girlfriend. Now did you get that, it’s kind of confusing. Anyways we were meant to spend the night since her boyfriend would be drinking. And yes he was of age. Needless to say my bestie and I drank; it was New Years Eve after all. Being 14 I hadn't drank that often, I hadn't even done drugs yet, well besides weed. They had even made jello shooters for us so the booze, we weren't use to, would go down easier. When I eventually started getting really drunk they showed me to the room I'd be staying in for the night to let me sleep it off and let me tell you, I passed out pretty fast. I was knocked out until in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping someone sneaked into the room. His best friend, the guy who's house we were at, had left his girlfriends side to come sneak into my room. Scared shitless and half asleep from the booze I never said a word while he got on top of me and did his thing. When he was finally done he left to go back to his girlfriend who was fast asleep in another room. I think that in his head he really thought I wanted him because he kept saying something like "is it good". I don't know what the hell he was thinking to be honest. He was more than 15 years older than me, and I was only 14 so whatever he was thinking is irrelevant. I was just so scared that no one would believe me that I never said anything to anyone for years and years.

I'm not sure how much this event has changed me and my life but I know it had its effects on me. I thought for years that all guys just wanted sex and if I wanted them to like me I had to sleep with them. After that I started acting out more, doing harder drugs and sleeping around. I don't know if this event caused those things to happen or if it pushed me into that direction. Despite this happening I enjoy sex today. I guess in some way I've healed and I've moved on. I'm not having sex for them anymore I have sex for me now. I don't sleep around either; I keep that for my people I get a serious connection with.

Even though I've healed, for the most part anyways, I've never thought of reporting it. It just isn't the right decision for me and it wasn’t required for my healing process. I've moved on and I don't want people in my hometown to know what happened, or worst what if they don't believe me and shame me. This makes me glad to this day that I didn't report it because of how much worst things could have been if I had. This is the world we live in and something needs to change. No matter what I still have this doubt deep down that I've never been able to get rid of, probably because of how society chooses to look at rape. I’ve heard so many girls blaming other girls for rape or not believing them which is really sad because we need to support each other and stop denying that this could happen to someone we know. I'm hoping that by sharing this with you that girls who feel alone because of how our society is will find some comfort knowing they are not alone. Dealing with an assault and not reporting it can make you feel very alone but know that you are not alone. And even if you decide not to report it to the police, you should tell someone you trust completely, it really does help.

Sincerely Charmed

Im Coming Out Of Hiding, Yes Im Back :)

First of all I’d like to say sorry, sorry, sorry for not posting before now. Although I doubt anyone noticed I haven`t been posting. My 3rd year in Psychology has kept me really busy, much busier then all the other years. It feels like it gets harder every year. Plus I've been working on weekends while also attending class during the week, for the first time since attending college I'm doing both. Although I don't mind being busy since I like what I'm doing, I rarely get time for myself anymore. And whatever time I do get is usually spent taking care of my fishes. I have 4-5 tanks now, I kind of lost count. But I'm still glad I got fishes instead of a dog. I love my fishes I'm a Pisces after all. One of my girls got pregnant on Sunday so I had to get another tank for her and her soon to be babies. First time I've had a cichlid get pregnant; pretty cool how they hold the eggs in their mouth. I also have a Freshwater Angelfish tank and a German Ram tank, plus tank for the babies. Here's a quick picture of my African cichlid tank.

It’s funny how life turns out sometimes. I never stop learning and growing. My growth sometimes surprises me but I still find myself wishing other aspects of myself would grow faster. I have always had a hard time with relationships and recently I've been having a hard time knowing if I'm asking for too much, or if I'm giving in too much. Knowing when to give and when to take is not my strong suit. But somewhere deep down I wonder if it’s not the other person that might be partly responsible. I feel like I've tried everything and still I'm at a loss of how to make this all work. After my last post I had broken up with my ex and was kind of seeing someone else but my ex kept trying to get me back and pretty much scared the other guy so I just told that guy to move on if he didn't think I was worth a little trouble. I'm almost positive he would have stuck around to see how we would have worked out or until he couldn't handle my ex anymore but things were just not the same between us after my ex freaked out on him. I just didn't want to give anymore of my heart to him if there was a chance of him leaving because of something my ex did. Something I had no control over. So I finally gave in with my ex, his promises and changes really seemed sincere at the time. Or maybe I just didn't want to be alone and he was something familiar.

Anyways we eventually moved in together. I was very doubtful and hesitant at first but I went for it. I still sometimes wonder what made me go back. I should of known all his promises were too good to be true and that he would go back to his old ways soon enough. Don't get me wrong things aren't terrible but I feel like I deserve more. Now isn't that selfish of me. I want him to listen to me, not say something if he's not going to do it, and to spend some time with me. I start building up some resentment when I feel myself giving in too much and sacrificing what I want for what he wants. And that makes me feel like he should at the very least show me some appreciation and attention since I give him what he wants all the time. Specially because if I don't he will often pick a fit, give me the silent treatment or guilt me into giving him what he wants. I don't know but that sounds like major manipulation but even though I kind of know that I'm still not ready to leave. I want to make it work. If I get enough time I’d like to blog about it and maybe even get your input. If anyone even reads these post, lol. Ok well got to go for now busy, busy.

:) Charmed

Sharing Past Addictions With New People

Relationships and making new friends usually requires us to share things about ourselves, and I believe that sharing our past is often the fastest way to get closer to someone. Although sharing our past isn't always necessary and some people manage without sharing, its still an important part of a relationship, specially if our past plays an important part in our present. I know from experience that it isn't always easy to share a past that was difficult but its probably the more reason to share it with the people you want to be close to.

Being that I'm a recovering addict, its not hard to imagine that I've dealt with this issue before and I'm assuming more recovering addicts out there have dealt with this too. Its funny how I don't have a problem talking about it on my blog or going on the radio to go talk about it (I went on CBC radio this week) but that's mostly because I'm somewhat anonymous. People don't know who I am and I don't know who they are. I'm guessing it all has to do with rejection and how being anonymous lessens that possibility. Its different when we fear rejection from someone we've actually started to care about.

Since I've already realized that its important to share my past addictions if I want to be closer with the person I've moved on to different types of questions. For example; Should I tell them right away or is it OK to wait? How long can I wait after meeting someone before mentioning my past ? Its still difficult to start the conversation and find the appropriate time but now I'm also trying to figure out if I have to tell them right away. I imagine I don't have to say anything right away but how much time do I have.

I guess it really depends on the depth of the relationship, how close we are and how close I want us to be. For me I usually tell a person once I trust them but what I'm worried about is waiting so long that the person asks why I didn't tell them sooner. What it really comes down to is being able to trust and being able to let people get close to us. Trusting the person will understand and not reject us because of our past. For me, this probably stems from the belief that I should be rejected for what I did. I don't know if this applies to anyone else but if it does accepting ourselves would be the first step in making it easier to talk about our past.

What I'm trying to say is we should accept ourselves and believe the people in our lives will do the same. Trust in ourselves and our judgement of people. People are more reasonable then we give them credit for and if they don't accept us and our past then we should be glad we found out who our true friends are. Remembering the people in our lives that already know our story and have accepted us can bring us strength when telling a new friend. Once we tell one person and realize that they still accept us will make telling the next person a little easier.

Charmed

We Need More Alternatives To 12 Step Programs

I think the 12 Steps are GREAT because it helps so many people I just think we should have alternatives so we can help everyone. I know the 12 Step work for a lot of people but I believe that no one should go with out help because their not comfortable with the 12 steps, therefore I wanted to explain some of the other alternatives. I know for some there's too much God or a Higher Power (no matter what that higher power might be) in the 12 step program. Some people in these programs might try to change your mind by explaining that a higher power can be anything and that its not religious. Honestly that's probably true for the people in those programs but we are all different and if we aren't comfortable with the use of a higher power or how the steps use the idea of a higher power. then we should have options. We all have the right to recover and get better even if its not with the 12 steps. I would love to have more people in those programs give me options when asked and told that the 12 steps aren't for me because of the way its uses a higher power, then trying to convince me that their program is the only way or that a higher power can be anything bigger then myself. I was surprised with the amount of people who just tried to change my mind instead of helping me with more options. What I personally wasn't comfortable with in the 12 steps was the idea that our recovery is up to God and not ourselves. I felt like it was saying the only way we can't start recovering was through God and surrendering ourselves to him. For example, just at a quick glance the 12 step Literature states:

• We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God 
• We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
• For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. 

I know this works for many people but the minority that want something different shouldn't have to conform because other people in the program tell them its the best way or the only way. I can just imagine what some people are  thinking: "Please stop trying to convince me and give me the help I seek." Sadly I've gotten more negativity and lack of acceptance of other peoples opinions from people in the 12 Steps then anyone else. My advice would be stop giving the program a bad name because sadly a few bad apples will give some people the impression that everyone in 12 steps programs are like that. Of course I know that not everyone in the program are like that but our society has a tendency to stereotype so be careful when representing something other then yourself. You wouldn't want someone to turn away from the 12 steps because of the way you acted or something you said.

The reason I'm giving alternatives is because I, like others out there believe in depending on myself and my inner strength to get clean not a God or higher power. In my case, depending on a Higher Power or a God would make me feel powerless and honestly I've already felt powerless enough in my addiction. I take full responsibility for my actions and my addiction therefore it was up to me to change my life. I got sober on my own, left a 6 year relationship because he was still using (which broke my heart), moved out of my home town on my own and started college to become a counselor. That was all me and that's extremely empowering. I believe Empowering Oneself and building Self Confidence was and still is the best way for me to get better. Taking credit for the great changes in my life and for my recovery has built that self confidence that I needed to stay drug free. As an addicts we often blame other people or situations for our circumstances and surrendering to God, for me wouldn't of helped that issue. I am the maker of my own life and I am fully responsible for it. 

For others out there like me I dug up 3 great alternatives to the 12 step programs. Feel free to go check them out and let me know what you think. I'm going to research these all further and give you an update soon on their methods and my thoughts on them. I really wish alternatives were more readily available everywhere around the world. I know a lot of people would appreciate it in my area but at lease for now alternatives can be found online.

Smart Recovery:

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

Rational Recovery:

https://rational.org/index.php?id=1

The Life Ring:

http://lifering.org/

~Charmed~

10 Steps to Market Your Blog

Since starting my blog in December 2012 I've done everything I could think of to get my story and blog out there by watching countless marketing and how to get traffic YouTube videos.Now  I thought its time I share what I've learned along the way to help any fellow blogger get their story out there. Just keep doing the 10 Steps and you'll get more people to your blog. Some of these take time but are really worth it.

1. Check out the most popular blogs like yours to see what your reader are into and get inspired.
2. Write meaningful comments on those blogs with a link to your blog.
3.Respond to all comments on your blog. Interact with your audience. 
4. Submit Articles or Guest Post on other Blogs. 
5. Submit your blog to all search engines. Google, Bing etc. 
6. Submit your Blog to as many blog directories as you can. 
7. Use as many Social Media Networks that you have time to keep updated. 
8. Find your audience on the social media sites. 
9. Share meaningful pictures, quotes, and status. 
10. Use tags anywhere you can so people can find your content.

Charmed

What Could Of Helped

What could of Helped or Prevented my addiction

Even though I'll never know for sure since everything happens for a reason and maybe it was just meant to be, here's my opinion on the things that could of been done differently to help me. Now I find this topic to be complicated because what works for one person wont necessarily work for the other and I think its important to remember that. Despite this being an issue I believe that knowing how others dealt with their situation can give me an idea of what might work for me. I can take parts of what others did and change it a little to suit my present situation. So instead of just telling you what I think should be done Ill share my experiences with you and what I think could of worked for me and what did work for me at the time.

Well first of all what would of helped is not having my dad offer me drugs and not having him normalize drug use. This made me think that drugs were O.K. and not harmful. Now I know this isn't the norm so lets move on to something a little more general which can apply to the majority. Telling kids the truth about drugs is important and what it really does to people in the long run. Being honest and giving them all the information and not just the part you want is important because it lets them know they can trust you and what your saying. I wish I would of known the truth about drugs back then not just what my dad wanted me to know. On the other hand I had people dictating and telling me never to use drugs which obviously didn't work. What could of been done here to help is explaining their harmful effects while also be open to questions and doubts. The important thing here would of been giving us access to all the information we need to make the right choice on our own because in the end, its exactly that our choice. No one can't make the choice for them no matter how much they want too. Another great thing would be having a good role model available since teenagers often don't want to open up to their parents. We want to find our own identity so while branching out from home we will start looking else where for a role model. That's why making sure we have someone reliable and responsible that we are close too in our lives other than our parents would be very helpful.

Now we all know that having a parent set rules and punishments is a good way to give us structure and discipline. But whats important is doing so in a calm way with out freaking out because we learn from your example to deal with negative situations in a calm and healthy way. Also having someone who's aware of the signs but doesn't constantly doubt me unless having good reason too, would be essential because having confidence in me would give me confidence in myself. We need that confidence in ourselves so we know we can do better. What really helped me after the damage was already done was that compliments and reinforcements didn't stop. I still felt like people thought I really could do better and that help me keep faith in myself. It wasn't always about what I didn't do but what I could do. Also having a stable home where I wasn't always moving back and forth between my parents because I wasn't getting my way with one parent I'd move in with the other parent. And sometimes it was just because I didn't feel at home anymore. If they would of been able to agree on where I should stay and how to raise me, it would of made a big difference. Them not getting along after the separation and telling me how bad the other was out of spite made me lose confidence in my parents. Now that I knew all of the things they had ever did wrong I didn't trust my parents and I didn't respect them anymore which is really bad. A child should always be able to trust and respect their parents and also not be ashamed of them.

Now these are just a few examples but I believe they would of been the most helpful to me. I believe the fact that my mom never gave up on me even though at times she needed her space, had a lot to do with my recovery. And despite my dad not being a responsible parent, he always had confidence in me and gave me lots of compliments. He made me feel like I could accomplish anything from a young age. I believe that its this exact confidence he instilled in me that I drew strength from when I was trying to get sober. I hope this helps someone out there get an idea of some of things that could be done to help. If you have any questions, feel free to comment.

Charmed

Meditation: When Nothing Else Works in Recovery

Most addicts don't like being alone with their thoughts and that's why we use drugs. 

We want to suppress them at all cost but that means the problem never goes away. Its always just below the surface ready to come out again as soon as we let our guard down. One great thing about recovering is being able to deal with my thoughts even when their unpleasant. Now since I wanted to talk about something a bit more positive I decided to share my recent discovery into meditation. I know that Ill be writing about my past some more soon (since writing it down helps me understand it better) but for today I thought meditation would be fun. Meditation is about clearing your thoughts and only focusing on your breathing but as some of you might know that's not always easy. Its easy to get distracted and since we're not focused on a specific thought sometimes this gives the chance for negative thoughts or memories to come to the surface. I found that when this happens I quickly acknowledge the negative memory and then focus back on my breathing. Eventually the memory isn't associated with as much negativity but the relax state I was in when the memory occurred. If its something that's in the past and can't be change then the thought doesn't come back as often since I'm kind of at peace with it now. If it's something I haven't really dealt with yet then after the meditation I feel more sure of myself and what I should do about it. This is my experience so far and I'm sure it wont always be the same for me or anyone else. I haven't been doing it very long because I use to feel like I didn't have enough time for it. But one things for sure it helps me focus and reduce my stress. I'll definitely keep trying to find time to do it and if anyone wants updates on how its been going just leave a comment.

Here's a good meditation video

Hope you like,
Charmed

Through the Eyes of A Recovering Addict.

There I said it... I have been debating since the very moment I thought about creating this Blog how I'd approach this subject. And here it is. I'm a former Narcotic Addict and I would like to help people understand what that means. This subject is not easy for many people to talk about but hopefully through this Blog they might learn to understand that it happens, were not bad people, we can get better and we can become better people because of it. I want to help people be more comfortable dealing with the Addicts or Recovering Addicts in their life by answering questions and giving my experiences as some kind of reference point, if they need an idea of what its all about.

Ill be posting later in the day about when and how it all got started

Link to the Following Post:
How it Happened to me

Sincerely Charmed

Link to The Intro:
lA little about me and my blog

Animal Cruelty: Make a difference

Of all the causes in the world, the one which is the closest to my heart would be Animal Cruelty. So pretty much anything that has to do with helping animals big or small from terrible situations. This cause is important to me, more than others, because animals do not have the ability to change their lives like humans do and they are never responsible for the cruel treatment they get. They are innocent in every sense of the word. We often as people think about cats and dogs when we hear about animal cruelty but that is definitely not the only animals that suffer this cruelty. All animals are wonderful gifts and should be cherished. The loyalty that they give so freely to their caretakers is one true sign of the good in this world. Now most of us eat meat and often with out thinking about it twice. But awareness of where our food is coming from and the condition in which it was raised is critical to the understanding of how wide spread this issue exist. I will not deny it I eat meat and I do not see myself stopping anytime soon, like most of us. My goal here, is to encourage people to eat less meat and to find good alternatives, that are just as tasty. But whats really important is to choose our meat wisely, so that we do not support farms that treat their animals poorly. The following video explains how every piece of meat we decide not to eat, saves one more animal from cruelty!

Please click on the link below to watch a very real issue in our communities.

A video that really touched my heart.. WARNING: disturbing content

LINK: 10 ways you can help fight

This holiday season, I Vow to make a change in my life by eating an alternative to meat when ever possible and raise awareness on animal cruelty. The more people that make this change the bigger the difference we can make, its starts with just one person at a time. Take the Vow and make a difference.

 ~More change~ 

Tis the season to donate, For those of you who want another way to make a difference please go to ASPCA DONATE 

Every little amount is appreciated. ASPCA is a great organization because they rescue not only cats or dogs but all kinds of farm animals from abuse and negligence but even donating to your local shelter is a great way to support the cause. And for those of you cant afford a donation at this time there are other great options to show you care. 
You can foster an animal for the holidays. 
You can give some of your time and attention at a local shelter.
For more information: Look up shelters in your area. 
What change will you make?

Stay tuned for more info on puppy mills, dog fighting, and much more.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

 Sincerly, ~Charmed~