How Can a Pregnant Teacher Dismiss Postpartum Struggles

Some people just won’t take mental illness seriously! Surprisingly one of those people ended up being my psychology professor. You would think a pregnant psychology professor would be more sympathetic towards a new mom suffering from a mild case of postpartum depression, but no, not even a doctor’s note would make her sympathetic to my situation.

Being a new mom in recovery, I wasn’t going to self-medicate to make myself feel better just to keep up with her demands. What’s even more disturbing is that she continually made things harder for me and graded my work like she had a grudge against me. To this day I can only speculate as to what was going through her mind.

Was she thinking that postpartum depression was only temporary and common so it wasn’t that serious? Was she thinking the Doctor only had my word on how I was feeling and what I was experiencing so it was too subjective for her to take seriously? Maybe she thought I was exaggerating the situation or that I didn’t seem ill so it couldn't be that bad.

I guess some people think postpartum depression and other mental illnesses aren’t real. I don't understand why. Everyone's struggle is real for them. Sometimes we don't even know what's going on in our own minds so how are we supposed to explain it to someone else. I didn’t want to share my past with her and explain to her that I was a recovering addict and that made things all the more difficult for me. I seriously thought a doctor’s note would suffice.

How Falling in Love with a Hep C Patient Changed My Life

I recently had a baby with a wonderful man suffering from hepatitis C, but not too long ago I was one of those people on the outside looking in. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding hep C patients. Even I stigmatized people with hep C without ever realizing it. Depending on the situation, I think most of us probably stigmatize people who are different from us and who don't fit in with the norm. When we don’t belong to a group and we don’t understand something it's easy to make assumptions or agree with society's view.

Even the new student intern who was helping the doctor in the maternity ward was making assumptions and stigmatizing my fiancée. She automatically assumed that I had hep C just because he had it. She didn’t understand why I’d want to have a baby with him if I didn’t. Why would I risk contracting the virus? Although Hepatitis C can be transmitted through sexual intercourse, one study found that the virus is only transmitted 1 out of every 190,000 instances of sexual contact. (healthline.com) She made him feel like he was less than human and acted very clearly like he was tainted.

I wasn’t very different from this student at one point in my life I made the same assumptions. I always saw myself as an open minded and accepting person so when I realized I was stigmatizing Hepatitis C patients I was surprised and more than a little embarrassed. Just like addiction, if we've never been touched by it personally it can be difficult to notice when we stigmatize addicts. Seeing it from this perspective has made me realize that when I get stigmatized for being a recovering addict people aren't always being mean. They're probably just ignorant and without knowing any better believe stereotypes or false information.

Sometimes we don't know how wrong our assumptions are and how much they negatively impact others until we experience it for ourselves. I was an outsider looking in, but once I made the journey from ignorant to sympathetic I was able to practice that in other situations. Having been stigmatized as an addict I became more compassionate but this situation was different because I got to experience both sides. I went from unknowingly stigmatizing them to noticing the stigma someone I loved was going through. I didn't get to experience both sides of the spectrum with addiction because I had parents who struggled with addiction it was always part of my life. Experiencing the shift between being the outsider stigmatizing people and then being the one stigmatized has open my eyes to my prejudice and has made me challenge my everyday assumptions more than ever.

Considering the society we live in my fiancé is very strong and brave for being so open about his illness. When we met it didn’t take long for him to share how he contracted the virus. Being a hemophiliac he got more blood transfusions than most and when the local Blood Drive failed to screen for hepatitis C, even though they had the technology to do so, thousands of people contracted the virus, including him. I know for a fact it's not easy for him to talk about, nevertheless he chooses to be honest.

The struggles he faces are hard enough on their own without having to deal with the discrimination and stigma. People often assume that the hep c had to of been contracted from doing drugs and sharing needles which is often followed by the belief that the addict is to be blame in some way, therefore, less deserving of sympathy. It shouldn't matter how it happened all that matters is that there just like everyone else. No one wants to have an illness, no one's to blame. We should all be treated the same. I understand the contagious part being an issue but just educate yourself if you're not sure of the risk.

Sincerely,
Charmed

PS. Check out the Crystal Healing Trees I make myself. 

Are You a Pill Popper? How Many Pills Do You Take?

Our culture has instilled in most of us a need to take pills for anything and everything. Things like preventative cold medicine, vitamins, pain relievers, psychotropic drugs and everything in between have become the way of life. There’s a pill for everything. Most of us probably don’t even pay attention to the amount of pills we take in a month, or even in a week. 

Do you take vitamins or preventive cold and flu pills? Do you take something when you get a headache? How many prescriptions do you fill in a year? Do you know the side effects of all the pills you’re taking or which ones have been recalled? Probably not, right? Well don’t feel bad neither did I. It’s just how things are. We take pills not only when we don’t feel well but we even take them to prevent feeling unwell.

I Need To Get My Shit Together

For the past week, I haven't been doing much of anything except sleeping and its starting to really get to me. I remember this feeling of being tired all the time when I first started my recovery and it was pretty bad, but not as bad as this. I'm literally sleeping anywhere from 15 to 18 hours a day. I'm sure being pregnant is playing a big part in me being tired and I haven't been eating the best lately either. I don't have the time or the energy to make anything to eat so I end up eating take out, and let me tell you I'm getting sick of take out. The place is a mess, we have no more clean dishes, and the bathroom and floors really need to be cleaned. I just don't know where to start. I don't even have the energy to argue with my hubby about him lending a hand. I've tried that many times and it rarely works.

I might be this tired because I haven't been taking my maternal vitamins for a month or so. If I don't see them I forget to take them (out of sight, out of mind). I couldn't find them since I got back from camping in July. Funny thing is they were right on my dresser behind some other bottles the whole time. Today's the third day since I've started taking them again and I'm hoping they fix the problem. I don't know how long I have to wait for them to start working but if I don't see an improvement by this Friday I'll be contacting my Obgyn. Another possibility might be the rapid weight gain this month. When I went to the OB this week I found out I had gained 8 pounds in the last month which is a lot compare to the 5 pounds that I had gained in the first 5 months of my pregnancy. This might also be why I'm so sore lately too. Back, legs and stomach pain, plus headaches, nausia and heartburn. All part of being pregnant.

Besides cleaning that badly needs to get done I have some important things I need to do before school starts next week and I just can't seem to find the energy to get around to it. I'm really scared that I'm still going to be this tired once school starts. What am I going to do? Has anyone else every dealt with being tired either in recovery or because of pregnancy ? If so please let me know how you got over it. I don't think I can take it much longer, so much needs to get done. I'll try and make a list tomorrow and deal with one thing on the list at a time. I'll let you know how that goes. I'm happy I've been able to keep up with my blogging at least because that's one thing that definitely makes me happy and soothes me. It be a total dream if I could eventually become a full time blogger.

Charmed

Mental illness: Am I Bipolar ??

Its known that a good majority of people suffering from a mental illnesses suffer alone or might not be aware that their suffering. I've often wondered if I suffer from some kind of mental illness, mostly if I might be bipolar. Its something I'm quite familiar with as my mom was diagnosed as being bipolar when I was in my early teens. But how long had she actually been bipolar before being diagnosed ? I've seen what it did to her and us as a family. I keep telling myself its not like that for me. I don't get irritated or mad at people for no reason and I don't go on shopping sprees but its all so familiar to my current situation. I don't want to be like that, I want to be constant with people, I don't want to hurt or confuse the ones I love. Growing up with it doesn't make me understand it better. And now because I grew up with it I tell myself that's the reason why I think I have it or that I have mood swings. I'm projecting her actions on to me and that I'm not really bipolar. Well it just seems to be causing more doubt then actually helping.

At first I use to think that my mood swings might be a side affect from my drug use. Then I thought it might be something that happens when someone quits drugs and is getting use to sober living. I never wanted to believe that my mood changes were just in my head, because that would mean I had no logical reason to feel the way I felt. I must be sad for a reason, or I don't want to answer my phone because I'm tired or busy, but I am really ? I don't really know and that's the problem. And then sometimes nothing bothers me, I'm positive, laughing and thinking everythings perfect. That's the side everyone sees of course, because that's how I am most of the time and when I am sad I usually don't talk to anyone. If I do I make it quick and tell them I'm tired. And to be honest I really am tired often, I have low energy but then at night I have a hard time sleeping. I blame it on the energy drinks but if I don't drink them I cant get out of bed. Another thing is I rarely hang out with friends anymore. I have good intentions and sometimes make plans but then when that day actually comes I tell myself I'm too tired or I'm uncomfortable and I end up not going. What's weird is that on those rare occasions where I actually do it, I enjoy myself and that doesn't even make it easier the next time.

Whats happening to me ? I can be happy for days the on other days all I want to do is sleep. But their must be another reason for this. Everyone has their off days right. I don't mention this to my mom because honestly I don't think I want an answer. What if I am bipolar, my sadness wont have an importance because it wont be based on anything real. If I argue or I'm emotional about something it will get chalked up to just being bipolar. I really believe that I should be able to control my mood. I want to be happy so I'll be happy. I don't need medication or therapy. I don't have time for therapy anyways, Id never make it to my appointments. I've always been terrible at keeping any kind of appointment. I want to find any other reason possible then being bipolar. My sadness and happy moments aren't as extreme as what people say they should be if I was to be bipolar. I'm like floating around in the middle, so I'm normal, right? Round and Round I go until eventually I stop thinking about for a while. If I actually knew what was going on then I could get help or move on and live with it. I just don't know and the battle between wanting to know and not wanting to know, is making things a lot harder. I need the courage to take the next step, whatever that may be.

I would love any input or comments on this.

Charmed

Hopefully I'm able to overcome this.

What Never Fails

I would like to start by apologizing for not posting as much these pass few days. I usually post everyday but that might not always be possible once I start school next week so Ill try and post at lease every second day if not everyday. Since I've caught a cold and my minds a lil fuzzy at the moment I might be posting only every second day, depending on how I feel. Here's an update for now until I get my mind to co-operate. Hope you enjoy, I know we all get sick so we can all relate.

Now that's said, here's what I wanted to share. It never fails, every winter I get sick at lease once. Most years I get unlucky enough to get sick during the holidays but at lease this year I was lucky enough not to get sick during Christmas. I would rather be sick close to New Years then close to Christmas. I want to be in good spirits to visit family during Christmas. Also since I don't like drinking that much so I don't usually do much for New Years. Although I like to stay up and do the count down and listen to music at home. Still i rather of gotten sick now so I can get better before school starts on January 7th. I enjoy school too much to miss the first day of a new semester and my new classes. Psychology woooo hoooo!

My cold consist of a soar throat, a stuffed nose, a dull ear ache, an occasional headache, and soar heavy muscles. I've been taking ibuprofen  Tylenol cold and flu, and some cold fx which have been helping a great deal so far. I also have some gingerale and some chicken noodle soup, all thanks to my hubby. I cant believe how expensive it was for the medication and stuff. I already had gravol in my purse but I haven't needed it. I always carry gravol with me every where because I get car sick really fast especially on bouncy city buses going to school.

What Ill probably end up doing for New Years is cuddle up beside my hubby on the couch (or in bed) with some hot chocolate (sounds good especially since I'm sick), and either watch some movies or play some need for speed on the Xbox 360 kinect I got him for his birthday and Christmas combined (his bday on the 8th) or, my favorite idea, Ill get lost in a book on my new E-reader.
Hope you all have a Happy New Year!
To New Beginnings.
Charmed