Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Drug High: What Goes Up Must Come Down

Every high has its downer. At some point it comes down too,  Is the high worth the downer and all the guilt that comes with it ? At first when things weren't too bad the downer wasn't a problem, I could stop when it got late and go to bed without any negative thoughts keeping me up or making me want more to make them stop. Once I decided I wanted to stop using and that the consequences were definitely not worth it, the guilt made the downer unbearable. My thoughts made me feel so bad, I felt useless and weak. At that point I had so many things to feel guilty about, all the lies, the stealing, the hurting of people I cared about. With every relapse came the downer and with every downer my determination became stronger and stronger. Until finally the high really wasn't worth the downer. I needed those downer to remind me exactly how bad I felt about the things I've done.