Every high has its downer. At some point it comes down too, Is the high worth the downer and all the guilt that comes with it ? At first when things weren't too bad the downer wasn't a problem, I could stop when it got late and go to bed without any negative thoughts keeping me up or making me want more to make them stop. Once I decided I wanted to stop using and that the consequences were definitely not worth it, the guilt made the downer unbearable. My thoughts made me feel so bad, I felt useless and weak. At that point I had so many things to feel guilty about, all the lies, the stealing, the hurting of people I cared about. With every relapse came the downer and with every downer my determination became stronger and stronger. Until finally the high really wasn't worth the downer. I needed those downer to remind me exactly how bad I felt about the things I've done.