Friday, January 04, 2013

Running Away

After my parents separated and my mom moved back to my home town, five hours away, I was always torn between having both my parents in my life. I was a Daddy's girl, I thought he was always right  although he had disappointed me often he always had a «good» excuse and I still believed in them. Despite all that my mom was my mom, she was always there for me, she kept her promises. I could depend on her, really depend on her, so I was always torn. The fact that they also both wanted me with them and tried to convince me to live with them made it easier for me to run away from my problems. Every time I couldn't handle something or when I didn't get my way I had the opportunity to move away, far away. Problems with drugs, friends, school, parents, break up... 

I moved around soo much, I was never able to really settle down and after soo many times I stop bothering with unpacking everything. I lost a lot of important stuff with all the moving. The time that hurt me the most was when I moved back to my moms and whatever I hadn't brought with me for my visit with her, was left at my dads. My dads girlfriend had kids around my age who just stole all my stuff even my moms engagement ring from my dad, that had been given to me after they separated. My dad didn't do anything to help, he didn't seem to care and since then I've always been protective of my things. The one exception was when my addiction was pretty bad and I moved back to my moms after living on my own. That time I left a lot of sentimental and important things behind. What drives me crazy about losing all that stuff is that we never had much money so replacing anything was almost impossible and that's if it was even replaceable.

When running away we often leave behind more then our problems. Although more than that  by getting in the habit of running I forgot how to slow down and appreciate the people around me. I also didn't get to learn how to deal with being wrong and solve problems effectively. Its like I still cant be wrong, Ill argue my point until I blue in the face even when I get that lil voice telling me I'm wrong. Ill ignore it. As for resolving problems I'm still learning how to listen to the other persons point of view and compromise. Whats important is being open to learn, grow and change. Trying new ways when the old ones aren't working, instead of giving up and running away.