Saturday, January 05, 2013

Long Lost Friends

One of the hardest thing I've had to deal with since being sober is making friends.

Back in high school when drugs weren't affecting my life I still had lots friend and a couple close friends. Even when I got more into drugs I still had friends, well until I started trying to quit. Once I made up my mind and decided I didn't want to keep doing drugs forever I stop talking to everyone. I stayed home most of the time, unless I was going to work or working on my high school diploma through this adult correspondence class. I rarely answered my phone, I didn't talk to anyone for the longest time except my boyfriend at the time. I needed time alone to fix my life and most of all find out who I was without drugs.

By the time I got better it had been so long since I talked to the people I knew, it just wasn't the same. They had all moved on, some had kids, some had moved away, some were way into drugs. They had all changed and so had I. Making new friends seemed like the only answer. I just hadn't realized how hard it be. I keep feeling like no one can understand what I've been through other then another former addict. But its difficult meeting one since its not something people tend to tell strangers or people they just met. It was hard to feel like I had something in common with people or open up to them for fear of being judged for my past. It was all soo easy when I was a kid.

I thought once I got to college it would get easier but its going on three years now and still not even one friend. Although I have to admit I haven't been trying that hard. For example, I met a nice girl while working this summer but for some reason we haven't hung out outside of work even though shes asked more than once. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm not sure if I'm scared or nervous. I realize now that even though we all get scared, sometimes we need to take a leap of faith. We wont know unless we try, right. That said, this week ill take that leap of faith and open myself up to making a new friend. Ill start by making plans to hang out and follow through with it.

Wish me luck.