Saturday, January 19, 2013

No Rules Until Dad Gets Mad

How Drugs and Addiction can exaggerate emotions.

Living with my dad there were barely any rules and partying was cool. So that's what I grew up thinking and as a teenager I thought I was lucky to have such a cool dad. I often did what I wanted without any repercussions. I got to smoke, drink, get piercings, date, have parties, sleepovers... But my dads girlfriend kids had more rules which I wasn't really accustomed to so I didn't really bother knowing them, I just kept doing what I usually did. Her oldest daughter was a couple months younger then me and we often did things together. One summer we started hanging out with these two guys who were best friends which led to us dating them. I had a major crush on one of them for a while so when it turned out he had a crush on me too it was kinda perfect since we would get to all hang out together. My boyfriend sold weed and magic mushrooms so it was always available, it was fun and harmless (so I thought).

One day they boys decided they wanted to show us a hunting cabin in the woods so off we went walking towards the cabin, not knowing how far it really was. And  2-3 hours later we finally arrive, tired and far from any phone, all we wanted to do was rest for a while. (I don't think they had cell phones back then) After resting for a few hours we realized we wouldn't make it back before it got dark. So we decided we should spend the night and leave early in the morning. (What a mistake that was). We had no idea how much our parents would freak out. Usually we would tell them where we were and everything was fine. But this time we didn't have a way to contact them so we thought they would understand that. Big mistake on our part trust me. The next morning the first thing we did was go to the nearest phone, which was still like 1 hour to 1 hour and 1/2 away from home. Our parents were furious, and even more so because they hadn't slept in a couple days since they had been partying when we left. I know my dad usually wouldn't of been that mad especially after I explained every thing to him. Unfortunatly by that point his girlfriend had been adding fuel to the fire for hours. Repeating over and over again, oh they might be dead, kidnapped, and other crazy stuff. (She was so toxic) At that point their was no reasoning with him. I told them where we were and that we were still over an hour away walking distance. I guess we were kind of hoping they would come and get us so we wouldnt have to walk. I figure if they were that worried they would come get us right away. To our surprise they told us to walk and hung up on us. (Yep definitely HIGH) We didn't look forward to the walk but I told my step sister that at lease they will have time to calm down. What a fool I was, I was just giving my crazy step mother more time to add fuel to the fire.

By the time we got there my dad was so angry that the second I step inside the house he grabbed me and by the neck and lifted me clear off the ground. He held me there and choked me until I couldn't breath and almost passed out (Not to mention I have severe asthma). Since they had called the cops the night before they had to tell them I was back home and the cop had to come over and check up on us. When the cop saw how angry my dad was and the red marks on my neck he asked if my dad had hurt me, I couldn't answer. My dad was like daring me to say something and I was so terrified of what he would try to do to the cop or to me. I never said anything and the cop left looking at me with regretful eyes. After he left I went to my room hoping it would stop there but it didn`t. My dad came up to our (me and my step sisters) room and started hitting me with pillows and screaming slut at me. I ran downstairs trying to get away but his girlfriend grab the back of my shirt collar and I fell backwards. Once I got back up my dad was already down stairs so I ran back upstairs and climb out my window before he had the chance to follow me. I hid behind the house for hours hoping they wouldnt find me. Eventually everything calmed down but I still had to walk around with black and blue fingerprints on my neck for weeks after as a reminder.

I know it was wrong not coming back home that night but I don't think I deserved that treatment. I truly believe my step mother had it out for me, my step sister didn't get a hand raised against her and I'm glad. I wouldn't want  that to happen to anyone. I know my father has to take part of the blame but my step mother did so many crazy things to me (but that's for another post) that I cant help but think she made everything worst. What I really didn't understand back then was why were they so mad that time. Sometimes it was oki not a big deal and other times it was the end of the world. Its not like I had any specific rules we had to obey. I guess it was more of a day to day thing depending on how the drugs affected their emotions and mind.